The hardest part is letting go

We had a garage sale this morning, where we cleared out a bunch of baby gear that was no longer needed. That old Graco travel system that I got as a shower gift before Morgan was born, the matching swing, the bouncy seat that allowed us to get through many dinners with a fussy baby, etc. It feels really good to get rid of that stuff, but it's with mixed feelings. Bennett has not been the easiest child in the world and while I was going through the first 6 months or so, I swore that this was it for me and my child bearing days. Then began the purge. It feels so good to free up the space both physically and mentally that all this "gear" has taken up for the past five years or so. But....now that Bennett is a little easier (in the most important aspects), it makes me think about another baby. I have always wanted a big family. My husband, Lance? Not so much. I definitely wouldn't want to get pregnant right now, but NEVER AGAIN? I'm starting to have second thoughts. At the same time, I am anxiously awaiting the days when the kids will both be old enough to do certain things like independent hiking and biking, camping, etc. I know it's a normal reaction to letting go of the gear, but I was just so sure I was done, so I'm a little surprised by these feelings already.