Spatula or fly swatter?

I made a quick trip to Target yesterday before playgroup to get a few things, including a new coffee maker and a fly swatter. You see, about a week ago or so, my husband broke our coffee maker. The lid that goes over the grinder won't go all the way down now and, without it, we have to put something heavy on top to make it work. So, we have our ghetto coffee maker going on right now, complete with the heavy cast iron candle holder on top. BECAUSE WE HAVE ADDICTIONS TO FEED, PEOPLE! (And yes, I said ghetto. Please don't call the PC cops on me.) And before the coffee maker? He broke the fly swatter. How, might you ask, does one break a fly swatter? Beats the heck out of me. Must have been a VERY LARGE FLY.

Anyhow, I'm on a mission because we have limited time before we need to be at the park for playgroup and I've got both munchkins with me. Morgan's helping me remember my list, because since I had kids, I can't remember what I went into the next room for. I'm all "What's on the list, Morgan?" and she's all "Coffee machine and fly hitter". Check!

So, we easily find the coffee makers in the small appliances aisle. I quickly scan the collection and zone in on the larger ones. We like to grind our coffee beans right before we make our coffee. Because we are all coffee snobby and stuff like that. Can you believe that NONE of the coffee makers had a grinder as part of it? Sure, you could buy a separate grinder, but that's for other people. Not lazy-just-want-my-freaking-fresh-ground-coffee-first-thing-in-the-morning people like moi. Besides, we have a grinder. Except that it's used exclusively for espresso coffee grinding. I know, again, coffee snobs, right? Just for the record - the espresso thing is ALL LANCE. And also just for the record, he gave some to Morgan the other day?! Just a sip, but still. We both clearly have a strong attachment to caffeine - so why start her off at such an early age? Even if she is protesting that all her friends drink coffee (really??!!). But that is neither here nor there. The point is, what I was looking for was not there. Bummer. Ghetto coffee maker lives on.

On to the next thing. What was it? Oh dear.

"Morgan, what else is on our list?"
"A fly hitter"

Ahh, yes. I stop and consider where a fly swatter might be. Given that they are fairly simple things and normal people don't break them very often, it's been quite a while since I've had to purchase one. Maybe with the outdoorsy/hardware stuff? I go look there and they aren't there. Oh, I know. The garden section. I head out there and the guy working there steers me over to the cleaning products aisle? Ummm. Okay. Apparently there is an end cap I should find them on. Walking down the aisle at Target, I quickly see what he's talking about. A large end cap with mouse traps and ant spray and things of the "pest control" genre. But, to my dismay, no fly swatters. By the time I'm done looking in this location, Morgan is asking WAY too many questions about mouse traps and how they work. And why mice go in them. And what happens to them when they do. And why people catch them. And why sometimes people have them as pets. And why sometimes snakes eat them.

In a last ditch effort to get the heck out of dodge, I ask another kind associate if they could point me in the right direction. He didn't speak English very well, so I gave him the international sign for fly swatter, say FLY really slowly and making a swift hitting motion down while saying swatter. "Ahh! Yes! This way!" And to my horror, he walks me through the aisle of dishes, down to the aisle where they have all the kitchen gadgets and utensils hanging on the wall and points to the wall.

I'm standing there speechless, because it would NEVER occur to me to look in this section of the store. Seriously? Let's see....I'll take an apple corer, a paper towel holder, and OH YEAH, the big thing that you smash flies with and gets all smeared up with their guts. Just thinking about it makes me gag. Maybe I'm odd. I mean, I realize that they aren't USED fly swatters. But still. I've always known that I'm a "cataloger" and that certain things just DO NOT go with other things. Like eggs on top of peanut butter waffles (honey, you know that's just disgusting). This would be one of them.

Ick!