It's time to relax, damnit!

I recognize that I'm a "talker". I guess you could say I come from a long line of "talkers", and that there will be many more generations of "talkers" to come (as evidenced by the five year old, and maybe even the one year old, too). I've also been known to wake up in the middle of the night, or early morning and not be able to go back to sleep because my mind is awake and I can't quiet it.

You know what? It's hard being a talker! I talk so much that when there's nobody else to talk to, I talk to MYSELF. And that's a tad bit inconvenient when you are trying desperately to relax and let your mind GO. Have you ever done a stream of consciousness type of writing? Witness my experience at the spa this morning.

I get there a tad early, get in my robe and hang out in the lobby area, sipping water and reading my book. Pretty soon, a petite woman named Amanda comes to get me and lets me know that she's going to be my esthetician for the day. She lays out the day's agenda for me. Brow wax, salt glow and then a one hour deep Swedish massage. Sounds decadent!

We start the session off with some small talk, but immediately start Mom talk and I discover that she is actually by new BFF. Once she's managed to tame my brows, we move to another room where I'm asked to put on those famous gauze "underwear" and lay on the table. I do as I'm told, and look forward to the return of my new favorite esthetician. We continue our conversation and I'm so wrapped up in it, that I hardly realize that I'm actually getting a spa treatment and the whole point is to unwind. We're chatting away and then she says, "You are going to LOVE your massage today. I've heard he's really great. I've never actually had a massage from him before....because he's male....and he's cute TOO. I just can't do that. He told me he has seen a million butts before, but there's something about working with him also."

Insert panicky mind traffic.

That's right! I'm having a GUY massage therapist. I forgot!
He's cute? How cute?
A million butts?
He's going to SEE my BUTT?
I'm not wearing any makeup.
Who cares about makeup, what about the varicose veins?
Will I have time between treatments to at least go dry my hair?
What, am I going to DATE this guy?? Who cares. Really.

And that's what I settle on. Who cares really.

Until the salt glow was finished and I headed out to use the restroom and look in the mirror; seriously, I look OLD!

Who cares really.

Refill my water, add a slice of orange and then go sit in the sauna with my book.
I hope he can find me in here.
How will I know if it's him looking for me.
She said he was cute.
How cute?

WHO CARES REALLY?

Since I wasn't getting much reading done, I leave the sauna and go refill my water again and then a guy comes up to me and asks me if I'm Paige. And seriously? He wasn't even that good looking. I mean, he was no Woody Allen, but I don't think I'd classify him as good looking, per se. Breathing a sigh of relief, I follow him to the massage room. He asks me a few questions about areas to focus on and then leaves me to drop the robe and get on the table. A moment later, he knocks, comes back in when I respond and starts the massage.

Ahh, a guy. Guys don't like to talk. Time for me to relax. Let all the thoughts leave my mind. Ahhh.
What is that noise? Is he clanking CANDY in his mouth?

*crunch....crunch....crunch*

Is he CHEWING candy? Well, that's a little distracting. (as opposed to DISSECTING IT)

*heavy breathing*

Okay, *almost* good looking man, what is the heavy breathing about? Is chomping on that candy hard work?
Are you working that hard on the massage? It feels good and all, but that's pretty loud breathing.
Maybe he's trying to FLIRT with me?? Nahh. They aren't allowed to do that. Even though, I'm totally sure he wants to. Varicose veins and all.
Just tune it out. It's time to relax. Let the thoughts go.
Relax.
Man, I'm hungry. Hope he didn't hear my stomach growl.
I ate a good breakfast - blueberries, 1/2 cup of yogurt, double fiber english muffin and four cups of coffee.
Four cups is a lot. Plus the water. Hope I don't have to pee anytime soon.
I really like the water with the slice of orange in it. I should do that at home.
Wonder what the kids are doing right now.
Hope Lance gets the present for the party wrapped and gets Morgan ready to go before I get home.
Hopefully I can just come home and veg out since it will be nap time and Lance is taking Morgan to the party.
Maybe I'll blog.
What will I blog about.
That reminds me about the book. Having a hard time nailing down the plot. Should work on that. Maybe when I get home.
I kind of want to write it from a male perspective, but I can't recall a single book that I've read that was written by a woman, but had a male's perspective.
Hmmm
Okay, this can wait until later. Now it's time to relax.
Relax.
Ouch, that knot is NOT coming out of my shoulder.
Wonder why I get such bad knots.
Am I holding Bennett the wrong way? I try to mix it up and hold him in both arms, but I usually just do the one arm, most of the time.
He's so heavy now. Gosh, he's grown so big.
I can't believe school starts in a month.
I need to take Morgan school clothes shopping. That will be so fun!
I should wait until August, though, to take advantage of the new month's budget.
Oh, time to roll over already? Gosh, this goes by fast.
Okay, roll over quickly and pull the covers of you so he can't catch a peek.
WAIT A SECOND. IS HE WEARING HEADPHONES??? Seriously??
Is that so wrong? I'd probably want to wear headphones if I were a CMT.
I wonder what he's listening to.
Would it be rude to ask? Like would he feel all called out on his lack of concentration on MOI??
Now that he's sitting right behind my head, I can kind of hear it.
I wonder if I could have heard it before. You know, when I was busy TALKING TO MYSELF.
Why do I do this? Why can't I turn it off?
He moved my hand out of the way, hope it's not getting in his way.
Also hope he doesn't rub up against me.
Eeeww.
I think I'm sticking with girls for massages from now on.
Way less complicated. At least they'll carry on a conversation with me.


And then I won't be stuck here trying to relax, but actually just talking to myself.