I'm a self-centered mom

Last night at the mothers club meeting, we had a speaker there who was talking about taking care of yourself. Her whole tag line is all about being a "self centered mom". Her talk focused on things like making time for yourself, expressing yourself, loving yourself and things like that. I could tell that it was striking a chord with many of the women at the meeting, but I just couldn't help thinking to myself that I've already got that covered.

I'm already a self centered mom.

When you say it that way, it certainly doesn't sound like anything that you would want to strive to be. But, when you look at the alternative, the moms who don't make time for themselves, you have to wonder what they are doing to themselves? I mean, don't they value who they are? Not just as a mother, but also as all the other roles that women play these days? Aren't we even more special now that we are mothers than even before, when we were single? Seems like you can always find an excuse to go spoil yourself with your girlfriends BEFORE you have kids. But, I find so many women making excuses as to why they can't take time for themselves after kids. Maybe it's the money. Or maybe it's being away from the kids. Heck, it might even be being away from their husbands. It even seems like it may be some badge of honor. Like, you've given up everything to be the Best! Mother! Ever! Because apparently being a good mother means sacrificing everything for the sake of your children? I can't help but wonder where these moms are going to be in the post-early-childhood years. Because the kids? They are going to grow up. And they are not going to need you as much. And when you've built your life around them and only them, where does that leave you?

I also like to think about the example I'm setting for my kids. Not only am I showing them that I matter (even to myself!), but I'm showing them that I trust them and others to be okay when I'm not around. I'm modeling what it's like to be involved in other things outside of the home, have interests not focused solely on the children, and how to be a good friend and wife.

I think my mother set a good example for me in this aspect. For my whole existence, my mother has been a full-time mom. She quit her job as a special ed teacher when I was born, to stay home full-time. I never knew any different. But, I also knew that my mother had a life outside of just us. And there wasn't that pressure to be her everything, because she was fulfilled in more ways than one. Sure, she was there for us when we got home from school. She was there for field trips and dance classes and soccer practices. She did all that stuff that we mothers take on ourselves. But, I also saw her volunteering at church, singing in choir, playing bridge, and other various interests. I always knew, growing up, that my mom was more than just a mom. She was an intelligent woman with many interests who was enjoying her role as a full time mom. But also enjoying life itself.

This is the kind of mom I hope I am. The one who is there for my kids, but also there for myself. I sometimes fall victim to the guilt. The guilt over having a house that's not clean enough, but taking time to read anyway. Or the guilt over leaving the kids in the nursery so that I can get a good workout and a decent shower in. The guilt over leaving my husband at home to fend for himself while I go out with my girlfriends. But, I also have the satisfaction of knowing that all of these things make me who I am. And I wouldn't want to be any different.