Calling all moms

Tonight we had a moms night out. We are having the playgroups sponsor the night outs, so you at least know there are going to be some people there and so that those people will be hanging out with people they already know, even if no one else shows up. Which is a good thing. Since NOBODY SHOWS UP! I just don't get it. Apparently I'll never get it. I'm a social person - love going out and doing things with my family and friends. I would think that at least 10% of a group of women would be something like me. Or at least have a desire to get out of the house at night for some time with other moms, not having to worry about who your child is pushing or what they have their tongue on.

So tonight, my playgroup was sponsoring the moms night out. We planned a night out at the bowling alley and looked for a date that would work for everyone in our playgroup. We planned it and a grand total of FOUR people, including me showed up. Now, I do realize that things come up and people can't always follow through with their intentions, and I'm not mad or upset about it. I'm just more baffled. I mean, if you were to talk to the women in the moms club, they would tell you how much they need a girls night out. I'm confident that it would be at least 75% of the women that would say that yes, they need a girls night out. But when it comes down to it, they don't come.

Now, we still had a great time. In fact, we were so busy talking that we had a hard time remembering who's turn it was to bowl. Heck, Melissa, who is super pregnant, wasn't even bowling and still came just to hang out. In fact, due to her influences, we ended up at Chili's splitting some chips and queso and molten lava cake. We closed the place down chatting about everything from our kids, to our in laws and relatives to facebook.

I've been trying to figure it out for the past four or five years that I've been on the board for the moms club. We've tried various things to make it easier (later evening coffee and conversation, a movie where you don't have to have awkward conversations, free hiking, dinners and brand new restaurants, etc) and the turn out is always consistently low. We've checked with surrounding mothers clubs, those that have five times as many members and percentage wise, they are having about the same kind of turn out as we are.

I just don't get it. Don't these moms need to get out? I mean, it could be that they are able to get out regularly with their husbands, but even still - don't they want to hang out with their mom friends? I know I love bouncing stuff off of my mom friends. And that story about how Bennett got a hold of the lighter is way much more fun to tell over a margarita or two.

If you are a mom, please let me know -- do you get out regularly? Do you get out with other moms? If so, why do you do it. If not, why? What would make it easier or better to get out? Inquiring minds want to know!

Ready to make my escape

In the past week, I've dealt with issues with having the five and six year old girls sleeping in tents at Camporee, girl friend issues between Morgan and a friend of hers, a son who is increasingly precocious and constantly testing boundaries, my daughter getting a time out at school for pushing said friend of hers during recess, and catching my son grabbing hold of another little boy at MOPS to get him out of the way of the slide. On top of all the drama, I've been busy as ever this week, meetings on Monday and Wednesday, movie night on Tuesday and packing on Thursday. Not to mention the usual regimen of gym, shopping, chores, cooking (and extra at that!), playgroup, MOPS, helping in Morgan's class, etc. I'm just about worn out and I'm ready to make my escape.

This afternoon, I leave for a women's retreat at Mount Herman. The retreat is through my church and I'm very much looking forward to getting away and getting refueled. I'm going with one of my Melissa friends and we've been chatting back and forth about what movies to bring, snacks, activities, etc. I'm soooo looking forward to some girl time and while I know I'll miss my family sorely, I also know this is exactly what I need right now. Farewell!

I am now that mom

You know the one. The one that is blissfully unaware that her 22 month old child is off in the nursery at the gym throwing up. Yep, that's me. *waves*

My heart sank when I saw my favorite nursery worker come running into the exercise studio where I was wrapping up the cardio & core class (although she came *just* as we were on our last set of abs, when I could barely even breathe anymore so at least the timing was right). I mouthed, "me??" while pointing to myself before she could even make her way into the room. She nodded and I flew out of the room as fast as if I hadn't just given it my all in the previous hour that I had been exercising. As we were "power walking" back to the nursery, she tells me that he threw up everywhere. Oh my goodness!

I start explaining that he'd been sick -- I told them this when I dropped him off this morning -- and that I'd kept him home for TWO WEEKS while he recovered. We even talked about how empty the tennis club was this morning due to the rain and that's when I also told them this morning that now that he was totally healthy (haha!) I was not about to miss another workout. Oh man!! I explained to every nursery staff person I saw that he WAS sick, but it was a cold/cough thing. NOT THROWING UP! I would have never have brought him if I thought he was going to throw up. Oh man!

I get home and as soon as we walk in the door, he's standing there waiting for me to take his jacket off and he throws up all over the entry way floor. Poor baby! I strip him down, in what will be the first of many, many wardrobe changes of the day and set him up on the couch with towels and a little bowl for him to throw up in. Not that he wants to do that.

My poor baby has thrown up more times than I can count today. It's slowed down, at least, to only every 30-35 minutes rather than every 15 minutes like he was doing this morning. At one point, I was holding him and he fell asleep. I was still all sweaty and nasty from the gym, so I thought I'd grab a quick shower while I could. I put him down in his crib (triple lined with sheet covers and towels) and took the quickest shower I've ever taken and he managed to throw up while I was in there. Poor baby. I felt so bad for putting him down. So, I've spent all afternoon holding him while he alternated between sleeping and throwing up. He's finally starting to show signs of getting a little better...he asked to get down. I decided it was time to give him some ice chips to see how he does with those. He seems to have perked up a little. Melissa dropped off some pedialyte pops earlier, which was awesome of her, so if all goes well with the ice chips, we'll try the pedialyte pops in a bit.

Kristin brought Morgan home from school for me (thank you again, Kristin!) which is good because Bennett must have thrown up at least 3 times in the time it would have taken me to get there, get her and get home. Morgan was good about eating her lunch nicely and taking her nap without any fuss because she sees how sick her brother is. She's even moderately okay about missing ballet, though she could really use it to burn off some of this energy.

Having a child that's sick just sucks! Although, I have to admit I love the cuddly side of my poor little guy. I'm focusing on that to help get me through the day. Lance won't be home until late again, I'm sure. Being a mom is hard work! But I'm so glad I can be here to comfort my little guy. I just keep telling him that Momma is here. Momma has you. You're going to be okay.

Parenting tip of the day

When you are sick of seeing toys strewn all around the house, simply announce to vacuum fearful children that you are about to vacuum and that anything left out will be gone.

Leave it at that.

I guarantee the toys will suddenly get picked up. Quicker than you could even imagine

Manipulating children for money

I have a new pet peeve. I know it's hard to believe someone as tolerant as I would have pet peeves, but believe it people! The newest thing to make my list is the use of innocent children for monetary gains. Here are two recent examples.

First, the school is forever doing fundraising. Being a charter school, we get a lesser % of funding than the other schools in the district, so I suppose it's a necessary evil. However, I think we should play by some rules, and the first of those being LEAVE THE KIDS OUT OF IT. Seems like a month doesn't pass by without there being a "gram" for sale. There were trick-or-treat grams, which were witches hats, and very cute at that. Then, there were santa grams, which were elf hats. Also cute. Now we have cupid grams for Valentines Day. As if the gift I've already gotten my kids isn't enough. As if the handmade Valentines aren't enough. As if the goodies we are making for all the kids in her class aren't enough. There is now this added "gimme" for the kids, the cupid grams. It's not the idea of it that I have the problem with. I mean, we did this when I was in high school and it was cool to buy these for your friends and surprise them. No, that's not the problem. Here are the problems, in no particular order.

They come to your classroom and hand them out to everyone who's ordered them at one time. And this starts in Kindergarten, when the kids are too young to really understand buying them for their friends and that whole process and when it's all about guilting the parents into making sure that their child isn't the only one in the class who is left without. Apparently at Christmas time, there were two kids in our class who didn't get the elf hats. Our teacher didn't want them to be singled out and went to the office and bought two santa grams for these students so they wouldn't be left out. How sick is that?? I guess they used to have them in the office and the kids would go down there to get their grams and then it wasn't such a big deal if they didn't get one because it wasn't so obvious since they weren't all handed out at once.

It makes me want to NOT buy them, and just explain to Morgan ahead of time that she won't be getting one. But you know what? They are "only $2", which is such a small price to pay to have your child feel included. Nice little scam they have going on, right?? I swear if there are leprechaun grams next month, I'm putting my foot down.

My other example is at Morgan's dance school. This is the second year that Morgan has been there. Last year was a little sketchy, but we talked to the director about our grievances and she actually worked with the parents on a compromise that would make everyone happy. I thought that was pretty exceptional and decided to give her another shot this year with ballet. Only, more than half of her dance instructors left after last year and while her instructor this year is a very nice girl, she's just that. A girl. I think she may be in high school? College at best. Anyway, she has a hard time instructing the girls and keeping them focused. They would rather make silly faces at each other in the mirror and slide on their ballet shoes around the studio. So, she has taken to bribing them with candy. Like EVERY week. It really irks me. I mean, Morgan should listen in class and do what she's asked to do because I PAY FOR HER TO TAKE CLASSES and because she's told to. Not because she may get some Starbursts at the end if she does. So, my plan is to let her finish out this year with her friends in her class and then shop around for a new dance studio for next year. Anyway, they are having a "promotion" this month, where if you bring a friend to class with you, you get a shirt or something like that. Big whoop-di-doo. Except, when you give these slips to a teenage girl who the girls absolutely adore and have her tell them how cool they are and how they should give them to all their friends to invite them to dance class, the girls get all whoop-di-doo about it. Seriously, you would have thought that Morgan was handed five winning lottery tickets. She is bound and determined to invite her friends to her dance studio, and I cannot, in good conscious, recommend this dance studio. Notice they did NOT run this by the parents or give the slips to the parents.

Grrrrr.

Please do not use my child to further your agenda. Do I need to put a disclaimer on her?

Tears of pride

Today at church, Morgan's friend Kaitlyn told her that she was practicing riding her bike. I used this as an opportunity to get Morgan pumped up about trying to ride her bike. She has been notorious for not caring, not trying and not really wanting to ride her bike. Except her father and I? Well, we kind of LOVE riding bikes. And we can't take family bike rides anymore until she learns how to ride her bike. We took her training wheels off about a year ago and she was having a hard time keeping her balance, because she had grown too dependent upon those little wheels of security. So, we opted to "lose" them so she would be forced to learn how to ride a bike the right way.

Except this back fired on us. Because she was too petrified to ride the bike without her little security wheels. And, our little girl is awfully cautious. I mean, a lot of kids maybe gripe about wearing their helmet, but ultimately succumb because they are forced to. Not our girl. Oh no. You'd think it was fashionable to be all bulked up with a helmet, elbow pads and knee pads. In fact, she refuses to do pretty much ANYTHING involving wheels without all the "proper" equipment on. This can get quite funny when she's just scooting along on her super big and super slow scooter. :) Anyhow, I'm not here to talk about her learning how to ride a scooter. I'm here to tell you about her learning how to ride her bike. So, Kaitlyn had ridden her bike yesterday and I promised Morgan that when she learned how to ride her bike, we would take a bike ride as a family and have a picnic. After we dropped Kaitlyn off, I told Morgan that I knew that she could do it. I knew she was strong enough and smart enough and I was looking forward to seeing her ride her bike all by herself. I shared with her the expression "it's like riding a bike". I explained that once she learned, she would always be able to do it. She was very excited about the prospect.

We got home and she immediately changed out of her church clothes into suitable bike riding attire. If she had an inflatable unitard, I'm pretty sure she would have picked that. As it stood, she was in leggings, a long sleeved shirt and....monkey socks...pulled up! I mean, you can't ride a bike without your monkey socks, right? Oh, my daughter looked like Punky Brewster, I tell you! But, you know what? It must have worked. Because she totally did it! She rode her bike all by herself! Look 'ma! No training wheels!!



We were so proud of her, she rode back and forth a few times. Then we tried to teach her how to stop. Yeah....ummm, I think that will be for another time. When she had difficulty stopping, she got very upset with herself for not being able to do it and scared that she would fall. She had a hard time getting going again with riding the bike because she was scared of trying to stop. I told her to forget about stopping, that I would do the stopping for her and she was right back on top of the world, riding her bike by herself!

After she was done, she was still upset with herself that she couldn't stop. She was crying and saying how she was upset that she couldn't do it. Lance and I both were right there telling her how proud we were of her for doing it! She learned how to balance herself, while pedaling and steering and that was hard enough for one day. Now, instead of learning how to ride her bike, she's practicing stopping and that's a big difference.

I had this bracelet we had gotten in Kauai last year that I'd been holding off to give her as a special treat when she learned how to ride her bike. So, I came inside and gave it to her and told her how proud I was of her. I told her that it was her bravery bracelet since she had to have courage to get on that bike and that every time she looks at it, she can remember how brave she is. She started crying!! I mean just sobbing! She was clinging to Lance's neck and just sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked her why she was crying, she told me that she was just so proud of herself.

It made me realize how important we are in gently pushing our children to accomplish their goals. Especially for overly cautious children who are afraid of getting hurt, or not doing it right. If we gently push them and show them that they can actually do it, they learn so much and gain so much self confidence from those experiences. I, of course, started crying, seeing my first born sobbing tears of pride and joy for herself.

She told me it was the happiest moment ever that she was having. I told her that I was so happy I was there to share it with her. And I am. My heart burst with love and pride. This is what parenting is about.

Retail therapy

I got up with the kids this morning, and while they seem to be dripping with sweetness and baby breath in the morning, it's really just a facade. Because no sooner had we started the day, then they were fighting, whining, and complaining. After I herded the cats in and out of the bath, through getting dressed and all, we headed off to church. Now, I admit I was a little late getting there since I had to stop for gas, but it appears that ALL of the classes were closed to more kids since they were short on volunteers. Not having many options, I thought I'd give it a shot in the Parents' Room, where the kids could be with me and I could participate in the worship service by watching it on the TV in there. Except that's hard to do with a 2 year old. Sure, Morgan was fine and even Bennett wasn't THAT bad, but I wanted him where I could see him, so I found myself having to get up and down and chasing him all over the room. I wasn't really able to focus. Then there was the mom who was sitting to my right who was letting her son run ALL OVER the room and making LOTS of REALLY LOUD noises. I understand that it was not a good situation for her either, but SERIOUSLY?? Why would you allow your kid to be that loud when other people are trying to pay attention??

Finally we gave up and I gathered the kids to leave. As soon as we walked out of the room, I got to catch a glimpse of the Academy Award that is surely in the future for both of my children. Morgan immediately turned on the water works at the exact same moment that Bennett decided to run away from me, glance back with a mischievous look when I yelled STOP! and then continued to run with a little smirk on his face. Oh, yes. These are my lovely children. I'm pretty sure my third head was sticking out when I was exiting the building and looking for a place to leave my offering.

I couldn't make it home fast enough, particularly with the bickering and complaining in the car on the way home. The first words out of my lips when I walked in the door were, "I AM DONE!!". Now, a few things surprised my husband. First was how early we were home from church. He was in the middle of a re-wiring project when I walked in. Second, my general tossing my hands up in the air and promptly handing the kids off to him, when he was in no way prepared for it. He's no dummy and could read between the lines and promptly stepped in while I tried to regain my sanity.

I emailed my friend Melissa and asked her if she might be up for some shopping. A little while later, I got a text from her asking if I wanted to go shop during nap time. I couldn't type the letters Y-E-S fast enough. Funny thing is, she hadn't even gotten my email yet! Guess she was feeling my desperate "retail therapy" vibes coming across the cosmos. :) I picked her up a little after 2 and we had three glorious hours of kid-free shopping. Nobody to reprimand, nobody to keep an eye on, nothing to worry about except whether or not the hat at the Gap would fit my son's bobble head. It was pure bliss.

Funny thing is, when I got home, Morgan was all about spending time with me since I had been gone. She came over to me and sat on my lap and gave me hugs and kisses. Until then, Bennett had barely noticed I was there. But, once the hugs and kisses were being doled out, he was right there up in the mix.

See? Retail therapy works!

Me time

I've gotten an unusually supple amount of "me" time this weekend. Friday night was date night, Saturday I had a baby shower and then coffee with a friend after, and then today I spent the majority of the afternoon painting a ceramic plate with a friend. Whenever this happens, part of me starts feeling guilty over not spending more of that time with the kids or my husband. Part of me feels guilty about being so self-centered. But mostly, I'm thankful that I have a husband to go out on a date with, friends who want to hang out with me, and a husband who will take charge of the kids when I need or want to get out.

I have a lot of girl friends who have to practically barter for time out of the house without kids. I understand that you don't want someone to be taken advantage of, and that everyone needs their time alone, but really? A lot of times, these are the women that need it the most. One woman I know is the mother of a six year old, a three year old and a less than one year old. She practically NEVER gets out on her own. I just can't imagine! I guess I can't fathom it because I have always been and will always be a very independent person. Just as much as I enjoy going out on my own and being a woman and not a mother or even a wife, I know my husband enjoys the same. For example, he told me he wanted to get some geocaching in this weekend. Well, I took the kids to the park for three hours this morning/afternoon to give him the time he needed. We give and we take. It all works out in the end, and I have to believe it makes us all happier.

It almost makes the disastrous house and bickering kids seem manageable.

Five life lessons from a five year old

1. You can pass judgments on someone you don't even know just from hearsay.

One of the kids in Morgan's class is moving and tomorrow is his last day. They are anticipating a new girl coming in his place next week. One of the girls in Morgan's class apparently told Morgan that she knows the new girl. That she goes to school with her sister. And that she gets in trouble every day. So, Morgan has now labeled the new girl a troublemaker. It took less than a minute to straighten her out. I told her that she doesn't know this girl, doesn't know her friend's sister and doesn't even know if it's the same girl, so she shouldn't be so quick to pass judgement!

2. Whoever you like the best always tells the truth.

Morgan reported today that one of the boys in her class, we'll call him J, told a lie today. She said that he hit another little boy in the arm. Surprised, I asked Morgan if she had seen it happen. No. Even more surprised, I asked how she knew that he was lying. She said because J said he didn't do it and the other little boy, A, said that he did. I asked her how she knew what happened and she said she knew because she believed A.

I gave her an example of how, maybe Bennett might tell me that she pushed him down. She tells me that she doesn't, but I believe Bennett even though I don't see it. I asked her if she thought that was fair. Obviously, she did not. But, just for good measure, she added, "Well, you know Bennett has lied before!" LOL

3. A five year old has the right to bet and wager her brand new mp3 player to a friend.

Morgan informed me that she made a bet at school with her friend. She has to give her her mp3 player for 6 days. I quickly told her that would be happening over my dead body and that if she'd like to blame it on her wicked-witch-of-a-mother, then so be it.

4. We must buy presents for anyone who's having a birthday.

One of the kids in Morgan's class is having a birthday, so she is bringing cupcakes in to share with the class. Morgan "reminds" me that we need to buy her a present. After I shake the shock off my face, I informed her that we can't possibly buy presents for everyone in her class. I tried my best to explain the social etiquette for when it is appropriate and when it's not necessary. This one is a little tricky. I knew she didn't hear anything I said after "no" when she informed me that her friend was not going to be upset.

5. It's odd that people who look alike congregate together.

I will admit, that a large percentage of the people at the park today were Indian in their ethnicity. But, what exactly caused my daughter to not only point it out, but to comment that it's "weird" is beyond me. I quickly and quietly explained to her that while it was true that a lot of the people that were there were Indian, there was nothing weird about that. I mean, what does one even say to a comment like that??

A son

My very good friend, Melissa, found out today that she is going to be having a son in May. A son! She is a little nervous and in shock, even though she had a feeling it was going to be a boy. I remember this feeling all too well! I remember finding out in December, two years ago, that we would soon be evening out the gender wars within our house. I remember feeling so many mixed feelings. Feeling so blessed to have a healthy baby, and a boy to experience at that. Feeling lost when I considered what having a boy would entail. Different body parts, sports, cars, voice changes, girlfriends, and eventually - becoming a MOTHER IN LAW! What do I even know about these things? I'm a girl's girl. I like my toes painted and my lipstick on. I like shopping and chocolate and wearing cute clothes. I'd much rather spend time chit chatting with friends than looking at cars. What the heck do I know about a raising a boy?

I think this must be a common feeling that first-time-moms-of-boys must feel. I mean, after all, most of us learn to parent by watching our mothers. We know the relationship between a mother and her daughter. We know how to do slumber parties and when you need a bra. We know all about that time of month and how emotional it really is to just BE a girl. I'm convinced that is why boys come out LOVING their mommas. I know Morgan loves me, and she's a very affectionate girl. The bond we have always had is very special. It's that mother-daughter one that I still hold so dearly with my own mother.

But to a young boy, there's no stronger bond than that between him and him momma. The expression "Momma's Boy" has taken on a new, less negative meaning to me. Boys are cuddly when girls want to be independent. Boys are straightforward when girls need to be complex. And boys eat. Oh man, do they eat! So, if you ever have to figure out something to settle them down, there's always a good chance that food can do the job.

Now, I don't love the part where we have to go through all the various types of trucks/tractors/trailers on a regular basis. If I have to read Monster Trucks one more time, I may very well rip my hair out. I am constantly baffled by the inherent mechanics of the boy's mind to draw him to anything round-like in nature that might need to be thrown. Or why he gets so excited when he sees airplanes or trains. Can't he at least throw me a bone and get equally excited over the big sale at Macy's??

Although I wanted to have a girl and a boy, I never could picture myself being the mother of a boy. Now I can't picture not having a little boy in my life. They are truly special! And while I've still got a lot of uncharted territory ahead of me, I know that it will be okay, because him and I? Well, we kind of have this thing.

Lately, with Bennett rejecting me in preference to just about anyone else, it's nice to remember that beneath it all, he's still just a momma's boy. :)

Chilling out

Did you know that the kids don't fight or scream or whine when you have your earbuds in and your iPod turned up? It's awesome. That's how I'm able to sit here and upload pictures and get my bloggin' on in some semblance of peace. The chicken is roasting in the oven, football is on the TV and the kids are playing with the ginormous blanket that still hasn't been put away from yesterday's "zoo" picnic. Just chillin.

Speaking of chilling out, we had a blast at Clare's 2nd birthday party today. It was a magical winter wonderland, complete with SNOW! It was awesome! At least Morgan thought so. Bennett wasn't too sure about the snow to start. Of course, he was on edge before we even got there. You know how with a toddler, there are certain days where they are "in charge" and ready to "make someone pay"? Yeah, that was today. So, he wasn't too happy when we plopped his oompaloompah butt down in the snow. Or maybe he was too preoccupied with, to quote him, the "ma-A-rowni Clare Bear hooowwwsss". Eventually he warmed up to it, after getting hit by a few stray snowballs. Clare didn't need to be asked twice. As soon as we went outside, she was practically making snow angels from the start! I even caught her throwing snowballs at some of the adults! It was awesome! The kids made a joint-effort snowman and then there was good food and then present opening and then cake. It was a great party!

And then, just to make sure it was memorable for everyone, Bennett decided to scream bloody murder when it was time to go. As we were putting his shoes on, he's screaming NOOOOO. It was so very heartwarming and obviously one of my proudest moments. Ahhh, my sweet, well-behaved children. :) And then that's when I recalled that he also threw a tantrum at Clare's first birthday party. Full on throw-yourself-on-the-floor-kicking-and-screaming-tantrum. So, I'm sure Melissa's family is wondering what is up with that woman and her kids. That crazed boy and his tantrums. See, I've had MANY proud parenting moments!

I'm a self-centered mom

Last night at the mothers club meeting, we had a speaker there who was talking about taking care of yourself. Her whole tag line is all about being a "self centered mom". Her talk focused on things like making time for yourself, expressing yourself, loving yourself and things like that. I could tell that it was striking a chord with many of the women at the meeting, but I just couldn't help thinking to myself that I've already got that covered.

I'm already a self centered mom.

When you say it that way, it certainly doesn't sound like anything that you would want to strive to be. But, when you look at the alternative, the moms who don't make time for themselves, you have to wonder what they are doing to themselves? I mean, don't they value who they are? Not just as a mother, but also as all the other roles that women play these days? Aren't we even more special now that we are mothers than even before, when we were single? Seems like you can always find an excuse to go spoil yourself with your girlfriends BEFORE you have kids. But, I find so many women making excuses as to why they can't take time for themselves after kids. Maybe it's the money. Or maybe it's being away from the kids. Heck, it might even be being away from their husbands. It even seems like it may be some badge of honor. Like, you've given up everything to be the Best! Mother! Ever! Because apparently being a good mother means sacrificing everything for the sake of your children? I can't help but wonder where these moms are going to be in the post-early-childhood years. Because the kids? They are going to grow up. And they are not going to need you as much. And when you've built your life around them and only them, where does that leave you?

I also like to think about the example I'm setting for my kids. Not only am I showing them that I matter (even to myself!), but I'm showing them that I trust them and others to be okay when I'm not around. I'm modeling what it's like to be involved in other things outside of the home, have interests not focused solely on the children, and how to be a good friend and wife.

I think my mother set a good example for me in this aspect. For my whole existence, my mother has been a full-time mom. She quit her job as a special ed teacher when I was born, to stay home full-time. I never knew any different. But, I also knew that my mother had a life outside of just us. And there wasn't that pressure to be her everything, because she was fulfilled in more ways than one. Sure, she was there for us when we got home from school. She was there for field trips and dance classes and soccer practices. She did all that stuff that we mothers take on ourselves. But, I also saw her volunteering at church, singing in choir, playing bridge, and other various interests. I always knew, growing up, that my mom was more than just a mom. She was an intelligent woman with many interests who was enjoying her role as a full time mom. But also enjoying life itself.

This is the kind of mom I hope I am. The one who is there for my kids, but also there for myself. I sometimes fall victim to the guilt. The guilt over having a house that's not clean enough, but taking time to read anyway. Or the guilt over leaving the kids in the nursery so that I can get a good workout and a decent shower in. The guilt over leaving my husband at home to fend for himself while I go out with my girlfriends. But, I also have the satisfaction of knowing that all of these things make me who I am. And I wouldn't want to be any different.

Another unbelievable moment at the gym

There's this woman who goes to the tennis club and she has two boys - one who's a little over three and one who's just a couple months younger than Bennett. She brings them both the the Terrific Toddler class and they run RAMPANT. Seriously - like the younger one is hanging off of the door handle and she ignores. The older one is stealing cars from one-year-olds and she just laughs. I thought this was all bad enough. That and the fact that one of them inevitably has a snotty nose that he's got smeared across his face. But, I believe that what I saw today tops it all off.

I saw her, at the gym prior to the start of class, sitting on some lounge chairs READING THE PAPER. Like, she brought her kids to the tennis club and dumped them into the nursery and then didn't even work out! I couldn't even fathom it. Here I was, rushing to squeeze in some weights and half a spin class and then rushing to get showered, and she's sitting there, leisurely reading the paper. I rush out to the car to drop of my bag of sweaty clothes and then rush to go get the kids. She walks in after me, all leisurely. Her youngest is screaming as we walk in. SCREAMING. She just smiles.

Just call me baffled.

Sure. I admit I've joked about dropping the kids off and then curling up on a couch with a book, but I honestly don't think I could ever really do it. Her kids were way worse in class today than they normally are, also. Maybe this is the only way she can make it through the day??

Manic Monday

Everything is out of whack today. It started this morning when Bennett was babbling in his crib at some sub-6 a.m. hour, which is very uncharacteristic. I turned over to see that Lance was still in bed, when he's typically on his way out the door at that time. Nevertheless, I tried to get another 20 minutes of sleep before my alarm was to go off, only I couldn't because I had to pee so badly.

So now I'm up and having gone to the bathroom, start ticking off the things to do today in my head. Bennett has quieted down, so I get dressed for the gym, clean my bathroom, remove the duvet cover from my bed to be washed, and get the dog out of her bed to go downstairs. I can hear that Bennett is talking again and so I go into the kitchen to prepare some oatmeal for him. Morgan stumbles in, still in her pajamas. I ask her to go get dressed. Lance follows me into the kitchen and asks if I'd like him to get Bennett up. "Sure", I tell him and he proceeds to get him up and dressed and bring him in the kitchen where he's very excited to have MEAL! MEAL!

Morgan comes in, upset that she's having problems putting on her shirt (it ties in the back and was tied), so I untie it for her and she starts to put her arms through the sleeves. Meanwhile, there is much grunting and screams of frustration in the kitchen. Bennett is having a complete conniption fit and I can't figure out why. He's at that stage where he knows a lot of words, but they don't come to him quick enough, particularly when he's frustrated, to make his communication easier. He's just pointed at the bowl that I cooked his oatmeal in and yelling DADDY!

Meanwhile, I can hear screams coming from Morgan's room where she's complaining about the long sleeves on her shirt being TOO TIGHT!! Morgan screams. Bennett screams. Lance looks at me like he wants to make an escape and I quietly ask him if I can call in sick to work today. He informs me that he's learned that my employer doesn't have a very good benefit program. Hmmph.

Seeing the look of frustration on my face, and acknowledging the Armageddon that is clearly about to transpire, Lance puts his bag down, grabs the bowl of that I had cooked the oatmeal in (where there was some left) and sits down next to Bennett at the breakfast table. Suddenly, Bennett quiets and starts shoveling oatmeal in his mouth.

THEN, this child of mine, who will be raised as a proper gentleman, mind you, points to Daddy, looks at me and declares "WAWA". I'm shocked. I know what he means. But I'm shocked that this little pip squeak of a boy is demanding that I get his father something to drink. I had a few choice words for him that included words like "not your waitress", but really just couldn't get over the whole scene.

Morgan finally gets over the "shirt issue" and comes to eat breakfast and we finally make it to school, on time. I head over to the gym where I decide that I'd rather sit on the exercise bike, reading my new book, Twilight, rather than lift weights or take the spin class. I felt like after the morning I'd endured, I deserved a little gift to myself! :) I did an hour on the bike and then got showered up and picked Bennett up for his Terrific Toddlers class. In perhaps the most shocking turn of events of the day, as soon as Bennett saw me walk into the nursery to pick him up, he called "Mama!" and then promptly put away both of the trucks he was playing with WITHOUT BEING ASKED and before running over to me for our post-workout reunion. I was, again, shocked by this turn of events. He was a happy camper for his class and afterwards, we went home where I worked on chores until it was time to go get Morgan from school.

We came home from school and I made the kids grilled cheese sandwiches and soup for lunch. They played for a while after lunch while I wrapped up more chores (trying to get ahead for this week!) and then I put them down for their naps, a little later than usual. I popped some popcorn and snuggled up on the couch with a blanket and Twilight. An hour passed before Bennett started SCREAMING. And I do mean screaming. This, of course, woke Morgan up, who argued vehemently that she DID, in fact, take a good nap (even though I know it wasn't for more than an hour, and she usually takes 2-3 hour naps). I asked her to please read some books quietly and then she asks me, with tears in her eyes, why I always didn't want her to take a good nap. Because that even makes any sense. Which clearly demonstrates the fact that she's practically talking in her SLEEP because she didn't sleep long enough. Exhausted from the argument, and needing to go get Bennett up because he's STILL SCREAMING, I tell her she can stay up as long as she does quiet activities for a bit because I was going to go see about Bennett and see if I could get him back to sleep.

I go tend to Bennett, who has drool ALL OVER the sheet in his crib and he's screaming that pain scream. I know it's his teeth. He's working on all four molars at once and I had to keep pulling his fingers out of his mouth during Terrific Toddlers today. I offer him teething tablets, so he takes one and puts it directly on the spot on his upper left gum line where the pain must be coming from. He takes another one, and does the same thing with this glossy-eyed stare, telling me that he was in fact still tired. He then looks at me and says "wuv oo" and puts his head on my shoulder. Poor baby! I ask him if he wants to lay back down and he nods his head yes. So, I turn the music back on, grab his blanket and rock him a little while he settles down. I go to lay him back down in his crib, and I'm pretty sure that I ripped his pinky toe off because he screamed a scream so loud and shrill, that I immediately abandoned the "back to sleep" plan, grabbed him and his blanket, and made a bee line for the couch to lay down with him. Morgan was asking to watch TV, which sounded like a quiet activity to me, so I agreed and put on Diego.

I guess Diego must have some sort of hyper-like affect on sleepy teething toddlers, because Bennett immediately became animated and all thoughts of quiet time also quickly vanished.

And now, I sit here, with the rain pouring down and spoiling my shopping plans and two over-tired kids on my hands. For TWO AND A HALF FULL HOURS ON MY OWN. WITH THE RAIN. Did I mention the rain?

God help me.

Someone needs to call CPS

Because I keep hurting my poor kids today! It started this morning, when I went to take Morgan to school. We are driving Lance's Eos today, so it's 2-door and, I'll just go ahead and use that as my excuse. Anyway - I go to get in and totally elbow Morgan right in the forehead. It was really hard, too. Poor girl. Immediately, I'm apologizing and telling her that I'm so sorry and I didn't mean to hurt her. The poor girl has tears all welled up in her eyes and she's looking at me and telling me that it's okay. "Accidents happen." I'm watching as the red spot on her forehead grows to about the size of the knobby part of my elbow. Oh my. I just continued, all the way the way to school, "I'm soooo sorry!".

After the gym and Bennett's toddler class were over, I came home and decided to finish up today's chores so that I could bake some cookies during nap time for our afternoon Halloween party for Bennett's playgroup. I'm doing this while also cooking corn dogs for the kids. Well, time crept away from me and before I knew it, I was running about five minutes late. I grabbed Bennett up, put his shoes on him and then started literally running out the door, through the garage to the car. And that's when I totally whacked his head on a cabinet in the garage. Nice. Poor guy started shake-crying and rubbing his head. I'm repeating from this morning, "I'm soooo sorry! Momma didn't mean to hurt you!" I ask him if he's okay and he nods his little head yes. Poor baby. We get out to the car and I swing the passenger side door open, slide the front seat forward and then go to put him in there, when I bump his head on the roof of the car. He's looking at me like, seriously??

It's just one of those days, I suppose.

In happy news, I baked the sugar cookies during nap time. It's amazing how a little music on the iPod can get you all dancing around the kitchen doing crazy stuff. I'm signing out loud to Erasure and shaking my booty to the Beastie Boys. Imagine the surprised look on the faces of the two teen aged boys who rang my doorbell and I answered with my iPod on, flour all over my hands, and having just wrapped up my part of the duet in "Power of Two" by the Indigo Girls. Carry on, nothing to see here. The funnier thing, though was seeing the looks on their faces when they asked what I did for a living. I told them that I am a stay at home mom now. They nodded their heads as if this explained it all. Then I added, "I used to be a Program Manager. For Lockheed Martin." They suddenly had a fearful look on their faces. Ha!

I should take my kids to the doctor's office every day

Why wouldn't I want to when I go and the doctor says things like, "Your children are so delightful to see" and "sometimes I feel like I should pay to see patients and today is a day like that"? Yes, he actually said those things. And it was us he was talking about.

Bennett is a good 6-12 months ahead of his age with his large and small motor skills, social skills, verbal skills, etc. I gave the doctor an example of when Bennett had taken an asparagus off his plate at dinner the other night and pretended like it was a snake - complete with the hissing sound. He let me know right away that this behavior is that of a three year old. The doctor suggested that Lance and I start studying up now for when he hits school. I guess we're going to have to keep up!

As for his physical development, he's tracking straight up the middle of the curve, always coming in at 50th percentile for height and weight. Poor baby got three shots today and was NOT a fan of the ones in his legs. He was, however, easily distracted with promises of stickers in the lobby.

Proud momma moment!

The sweetest kids

We spent a cold windy morning at soccer and then after lunch, Lance and Morgan took off to go to a geocaching event. She was very excited to spend time with Daddy. Bennett woke up from his nap around 3:30 and since then it's been just me and him. We've been playing and tickling and laughing and cuddling. We had dinner alone and then we did bath time and stories and then bed time. As I'm swaying with him in my arms, back and forth, before I'm about to put him down for bed, I whispered to him, as I do on many occasions, "Momma loves you". I could barely make it out over the music, but I heard him whisper back "Wuv Ooo". He says it to me all the time, but somehow hearing it whispered over his lullaby CD just made it so sweet. Then he kept saying it over and over again. Wuv Oooo. Wuv Oooo. Such a sweet boy I have.

Morgan and Lance just got home and the first thing out of her mouth was "I haven't seen you all day!", to which I responded that I was missing her. She said she was missing me too, and ran over to give me hugs and kisses.

Someone please remind me of my sweet kids when they are throwing themselves on the ground in a tantrum, or crossing their arms at me with attitude. Because at those times, I forget how sweet my kids really are.

Are you ready for Christmas yet??

Because I'm starting to feel like if I don't have everything done by the end of the month, we are totally screwed. It's bad enough that Costco had their gift wrap out in AUGUST and is now totally on board with Christmas trees and what not. It's also bad enough that right next to the Halloween aisles in Target are the Christmas aisles. And that Starbucks has had their "Pumpkin Spice Latte" out for at least a month.

But the number one, top ridiculous thing that I've seen yet is the email I got from JC Penney's Portrait studio. They are advertising their new online scheduler where you can sign up for your sessions on their website. This image was actually part of the email. Because, folks, OCTOBER 8th MIGHT be the last possible date for you to complete your holiday portraits. It's just plain crazy. December 21st is well over TWO MONTHS away! It seems that every year the holiday seasons get pushed on us earlier and earlier. Mark my words. When the stores take down their Christmas stuff, they will IMMEDIATELY put up Valentines Day stuff, followed shortly by Easter stuff.

I think the thing that bugs me so much about this is how this just exemplifies how our society has become so short sighted that we can't enjoy the holiday that we are about to have or that we are having. No, we have to focus on what's next. Never enjoying the moment, only thinking about the next thing we have to do. I admit that this totally feeds into my personality of being a planner, in that I have already made my Christmas lists and already started purchasing Christmas gifts. Partly because I like to take my time and find the right gift, partly because I like to spread the expense out over several months and party because EVERY TIME I turn around these days, I'm staring at Christmas bows or Santa's face. It's almost like we're "over" Halloween before we've even gotten to enjoy it! Not to mention that there is a tiny holiday in between called Thanksgiving.

Maybe this is also the maturing mom coming out also. I am trying hard to be in the moment with my kids. Even when I'm carting them about from place to place. I want to really be there with them and experience their world with them at the time. Because I'm never going to get this time back. No matter how hard, how mundane, how tired or how crazy things seem to be now. At some point in my life, I'm going to look back on these days as some of the best of my life. I'm going to miss being the mom to young kids. I'm going to wish they would sit in my lap and call my name incessantly over and over. It goes by all too fast. Why would we wish it to hurry?

So, here's my "crazy planner" pledge to you. Though I may be doing Christmas shopping, I PROMISE I won't wrap anything until Halloween is over. And I will stop and enjoy the little things day by day. Because when Christmas comes, I don't want to be "over" it also.

Diary of a horrible mom

Apparently, I'm not your typical mom. I don't allow my kids to play or sing at meals, I make them sit while eating, I require that they use manners and I encourage them to play together and to work it out when they get all "he did this" or "ugghhh! (Bennett's terms for she did that). We use time outs when needed, I take away toys when they aren't appreciated and I sometimes have to let them scream and cry when I'm cooking dinner. I also have no problem with allowing other people to watch my children. Now, these are not your run-of-the-mill street strangers, but I don't really know the people in the nursery at the church or the tennis club. No, but I let them watch my children all the same.

I realized today, that I'm one of maybe a handful of Kindergarten parents who are actually taking advantage of the valet lane. This means that I pull up in front of the playground where the kids line up to go into their classrooms, and Morgan unbuckles her seat belt, grabs her backpack, gives me and Bennett a kiss, and then gets out of the car. Sometimes she's assisted by the valet helpers (back in the day, we called this the safety patrol, but whatever!) and other times she had to do it on her own. Every time, I watch her walk inside the fenced in playground to her line before I drive off. I don't feel like I'm putting her in danger, but with all the parents I see schlepping kids to and from cars, it makes me kind of feel like maybe I'm a horrible mother? I don't do valet on Mondays because I know that this is the day that her teacher works in her classroom up until right when it's time to come get the kids, so I walk Morgan up to the line and we wait for her teacher with the other kids and parents. But on the other days? I just can't help but wonder why I would subject myself or Bennett to getting in and out of the car unnecessarily. If it was just me, that would be a different situation. I would enjoy walking her up to the line and chit chatting with the other parents and teachers. But, with Bennett, it's more like me struggling to keep him in my arms because the minute I let him down, he's off and running. However, all these parents lugging their babies and toddlers along to walk their child up to their line has me a bit concerned.

On the other hand, I feel like I have fairly well adjusted kids. I don't normally have issues with them only wanting me, but I also know that when they do want me, I'm there for them. Like on Monday when Bennett was particularly clingy. This was out of the ordinary and I took full advantage of the extra snuggles and hugs. But, on a day to day basis, my kids are fairly independent and happy. That makes me happy to! Maybe I'm not so horrible after all? Or maybe this is just something I tell myself so I don't feel like a horrible mom? Only time will tell!

Us mothers, the power we wield.

A big girl talk

On Saturday morning, Morgan was playing in the playroom and then she came into the kitchen where I was cooking breakfast and told me that she saw someone drive by our house and take a picture. I asked her about the car and she told me that it looked like a silver minivan. I thought it was strange, but I didn't see anything myself and you never know what an imaginative five year old is going to come up with. Shortly after, we left and headed over to a local festival where I was working the booth for the mothers club and the kids and Lance roamed around, having fun (or at least that was the idea). We dropped Morgan off at a birthday party on the way home and then when we got home and started unpacking the car (with a VERY tired Bennett), we were approached by our next door neighbors. They told us that they had seen someone drive by our house that morning, very slowly, taking pictures. This corroborated what Morgan had told me, so they definitely had my attention. They proceeded to tell me that the SAME CAR (silver minivan) was parked across the street from our houses a couple of weeks ago and had been taking pictures of our house and their house. When they realized what was happening, they started to approach the car and they took off. They described the person as a clean cut white man.

The hair is standing on the back of my neck. My mothering radar is going off. Something isn't right here. I start mulling it over and the more I think about it, the more I'm getting freaked out. The town we live in is one of the top ten safest cities in the U.S., according to Forbes magazine. I guess I wasn't prepared for something like this. And, while it may be nothing, it also might be something. And my gut is telling me that it's just not right. So, I decided to call the police department and make a complaint. They inform me that there's really nothing that they can do unless the car is out there at the time I call. I asked them if they would like to talk to the neighbor to get a description of the car and they said, "sure, you can have them call us". I had also emailed my friend who is an ex-Oakland police officer for her advice. We went back and forth on email, but the bottom line is that there really isn't much they can do unless I get a license plate number or they are out there at the time. She suggested having a code word with Morgan, not keeping the same routine (hard with school aged and active kids!), and just being cognizant in general. I also talked to a friend of ours who happens to work for the police department in our city and he's promised to drive by our house a couple of times a nights on the nights he's working.

I decided to also talk to my neighbors and have them be on the lookout. So, this afternoon after lunch, we go over to Morgan's buddy's house and I'm talking to his Dad about this. She is, of course, all ears. On the way back home, she wants to know why I called the police department. So, I put Bennett down for his nap and spent the next thirty minutes having a "big girl" talk with her.

I explained that we were going to have a code word that only she, me, and Daddy would know. If every anyone needed to pick her up and she wasn't expecting them, they would need to provide her with the code word. We picked our code word, she told me what it was a couple of times and then we role played.

Me: "Hi Morgan. Your mom sent me to pick you up"
Morgan: "Hi. CODE WORD"
Me: "No, YOU never say the code word. Not to anyone! You ask them if they know the code word. And if they don't, you politely tell them that you cannot go with them, that's your mom's rule".
Morgan: "Oh, okay"
Me: "Want to practice again?"
Morgan: "Yeah"
Me: "Hi Morgan. Your mom said I should come pick you up"
Morgan: "If you don't know the code word, there's a rule about me not going with you"
Me: "Code word? Oh, I know the code word. It's "
Morgan: "I can't go with you"
Me: "Good!"

We did it a few more times, sometimes with me giving the right code word and sometimes with not knowing it. She's got the idea now. We talked about how it could be a total stranger, or it might even be someone she knows, but who is not allowed to pick her up. We came up with a few examples of those kinds of people, and I could tell that she was getting it.

We also talked about safety when we are together. I told her that if I were to ever tell her the code word when we are at home, she's to go get Bennett and take him into her room and lock the door. Or, if we are out in public, she's to take him to a safe place, like our car and shut the door. I told her that I would show her how to lock it. Morgan says, "I know that whenever it's dangerous, we should always lock the door." I explained, that that's sort of true, but the main thing is that she should only be concerned with getting her brother to the safe place we've talked about. I explained that if something were happening to me, she should only care about her and her brother and not what's happening to me. She was all, "Yeah, because we're little. And you're big, so you have to deal with it." Yeah, something like that.

Then, we went on to talk about taking things from strangers. I pretended I was a stranger offering ICE CREAM. You LOVE ice cream, Morgan! She looked for a moment like she would tell them YES, I'LL HAVE THE ICE CREAM. So, I explained to her that there may be something in the ice cream that could make her very sick. "Or kill me", she chimes in. Yes, or kill you. I told her about how when I was little they caught people putting razor blades into apples and candy at Halloween, so we would have to check the candy and all VERY CAREFULLY. I reminded her of how we've done this in the past. She asked, "Can't I just ask them if they've put something bad in the candy?" Ahh, my innocent daughter. I explained that BAD people aren't exactly going to tell you that they've done BAD things. She got it.

Next, we talked about inappropriate touching. This conversation nearly had me in tears. It's hard to even go there. But, we talked about it and I told her that no matter what, if this were to ever happen to her, she HAS to tell me. I told her that someone might do something bad to her and then tell her that they would hurt her or me or someone else in the family, but that she has to trust that I will take care of it and she HAS to tell me. She told me that she knew that I would take care of it. "I know just what you would do!" And I'm thinking, "yeah, I would find that SOB and..." and she says, "You'd call the police!" Smiling, I say, "Yes, you are right." That's the first thing I would do.

Hard discussions, this big girl talk. But, I want her prepared and I want her to know that her mother is NOT GOING TO LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HER! I hope I was able to walk that fine line of preparing her for what could happen and not freaking her out.

I guess this is the scary part about having your heart walk around in the real world. All innocent and unknowing. Parenting is not easy.