Happy Easter!

It's not very often that I'm able to enjoy a holiday at my house with my family. However, we were smart to have Bennett in April since his birthday is usually close to Easter (he was actually born on Easter the year he was born). That makes it a little more compelling for my east coast family to venture out this way on a holiday that they would traditionally be at their house. So, it was extra nice this morning to wake up with the kids and my parents and watch them discover the fun stuff the Easter Bunny had left for them as well as watching them hunt eggs. I think the Easter Bunny needs to find some new spots or get a little more creative next year because it went by far too quickly this year!


After all the morning fun, it was time to get ready for church. We had such a full load, that we ended up having to go to church in the minivan that my parents rented. The message was interesting, and also ironic since it also tapped into a lot of what Lance and I were discussing at dinner last night. Funny how God works, huh?

I heated a spiral cut ham, made homemade mashed potatoes, and asparagus for our dinner. Lance had even baked some really yummy walnut cranberry chocolate chip cookies yesterday that we were able to enjoy for dessert. It was a lovely meal, so nice to be with the ones you love on a day such as this.

Spring is in the air

Well, sort of. We'll ignore the gloomy weather we've been having, and focus instead on the fun and cute stuff like the spring party we had in Morgan's class today. Unfortunately, her teacher missed it because she was out sick, but the kids still did pretty well with the sub. The party went on!

My mom was able to come into the classroom today since it was a party day and she watched Bennett in the classroom while I stepped up my efforts a little to help the substitute teacher out. But, she was able to see all the fun stuff the kids do and how the parties go (for the most part). At the end of the party, the kids hunted for their eggs. Each kid had eight eggs with their name on them and they had to find only the ones with their names. Unfortunately, there were a few girls who couldn't find all their eggs, but it was still fun for them to find all the places that the moms hid the eggs while they were at the library.

I took Morgan out of school a little early (right after the egg hunt) and we made it to church just in time for the noon Good Friday service. It was a great service, and I ended up sitting next to one of the girls from my table at the women's retreat. I can't tell you how nice it is to see people you know at a church that's so big!

After church, we came home and since my dad was busy watching The Masters on TV, I took that as my cue to go upstairs and take a good long nap. Which I did. Blissful sleep! Which is good since I have a date tonight with my hubby. Woohoo!

Defining Moments

You know how you might be in the moment still and you think to yourself, I will never forget this. Yep, that happened to me over and over this morning. It all started with breakfast. You see, this morning we were paired up with our small group tables again for breakfast and during this breakfast, I had the opportunity to be that spiritual person. You know the one...they are the one, who when someone else expresses their own sadness or dilemma, they are the ones who say something truly godly and everyone nods their heads and breathes deeply. Except, normally I'm the head nodder. Certainly not the one speaking. Because honestly? 34 years of living in Christianity if it has taught me anything, it's taught me that people who say things like that are sometimes looked at through judgmental eyes. You know, with thoughts like, "Oh sure Miss Goody Two Shoes" or "Well doesn't she think she's better than everyone else". Except that I don't think I'm better than anyone else. In fact, I think I'm pretty much as lousy a Christian as you can come by. I'd be lucky to tell you a story or two from the Bible. Even my husband has read it from front to back and I can count on one hand all the times he's been to church since I've known him. But, this doesn't stop me. No, when the woman at our table admitted to having a hard time accepting God's grace because she had done so many horrible things earlier in her life, I remembered a sermon that our church's pastor gave sometime over the past year and the words from his message just blurted out of my mouth before I could even stop them, "If has seen it fit to forgive you, what makes you think you shouldn't forgive yourself?" And then there was the nodding and the deep breathing, but it wasn't me. It was everyone else at the table. The woman looked at me, smiled with tears in her eyes and said, "thank you".

Later, while in our final service on Sunday morning, we took communion and after taking communion, many of the women were doing just as they had done the night before. They were going down to the front of the room and hugging and praying. The speaker was down in front with a steady stream of people coming her way. I kept looking, through teary eyes as I longed for this type of interaction. It was such a distant thing, though. Nothing like I was used to. I'm used to taking my walk alone. Melissa and I continued to exchange glances and then she said to me, "Paige go down there!". I looked at her and immediately blurted out, "NO!". I looked down there and noticed that the speaker was standing there, hands clasped. Waiting. Melissa looked at me again (and would later tell me that she just got the urge to MAKE ME GO) and told me that I needed to go and that she was waiting for me. I practically ran down the aisle and to the speaker. I looked at her, not knowing what to say and just asked her to pray for me. She told me to give her one word. "Alone" I said and then she started hugging me and praying for me. She prayed that I would know that I was not alone because God is with me always. I felt a rush of warmth and love come over me. She prayed that a spiritual partner would come into my life because she knows we all need someone like that. She prayed that today would be the turning point. She prayed again that I would know that I was not alone. When she was done, we finished hugging and I went back to where I was sitting.

No sooner had I gotten there, when they started playing this song that I knew from the night before was emotional for Melissa. She took off, saying she'd be right back. I was stuck there. Alone. Then the most amazing thing happened. A woman sitting at the end of the pew came over to me and gave me the deepest, biggest hug ever. Then she went away. A woman sitting in the pew in front of me came behind me and hugged me again. She returned to her seat, only to return a few moments later, asking if she can pray for me. I told her she could, we hugged and she prayed that I would be free. Free.

Pretty soon, the service was over and I had to find Melissa. Seems she had had a few defining moments of her own. More bonding. More moments. As we left the retreat at Mount Hermon, we travelled home to our families, whom we were sorely missing, but reflecting the entire way. Basking in the sun of a gorgeous Sunday, driving down the mountain in the convertible, we were reflecting on what brought us together. Our first meeting. Our first impressions. How the idea of the retreat came up and how we made it there.

There is a reason that Melissa and I were brought together for the weekend. A reason we bonded and shared some defining moments. God is good. God is very good.

Spiritual Bonding

Today was the first full day of the women's retreat. After road-trippin' it up with the top down on the convertible yesterday afternoon, Melissa and I got settled into our room. We had dinner followed by a session with the speaker about balancing your life and resting in God. The discussion was around slowing down, looking up, and trusting in God more. When the it was over, Melissa and I went back to our room and did the girl talk thing until nearly midnight. Or whenever the older ladies next door decided to go to sleep. We got up this morning before the crack of dawn when the older ladies next door started chatting and giggling. Neither of us slept well, but Melissa slept particularly badly. We got on with our day by showering and getting ready for breakfast. After breakfast, we had our the morning message by the speaker, followed by 45 minutes of quiet time before lunch to reflect on what we had heard and the things that we thought applied to us. We were instructed not to say a word and to find a quiet spot to write down our thoughts. The morning's message was about intimacy with God and it was a topic that is new to me since my religious background has been more at an arms length, and not very intimate or personal. Needless to say, the message spoke to me.

I wandered back towards our lodge and found a partly shaded spot in the playground area. How appropriate considering how much I am missing my kids! I sat there, said a few prayers and then it all poured out. This was my "letter to God"

Dear God,
I have never had a relationship with you that was deep enough to satisfy my needs. Growing up, a relationship with you meant little more than showing up. Showing up at Sunday School, showing up at church or Youth Group. Now it seems to be the same when I feel like I want it to be more. But all I know how to do is to show up. And even that is hard sometimes. There are many "excuses". This is not the way I know, or I am all alone, or I don't have the time. Maybe I am afraid of the unknown, which is completely silly. Maybe I'm afraid of the known.
Lord, I ask you to help me remove the obstacles and excuses. I ask that you give me confidence and courage. I ask that you give me the desire to overcome all my excuses.

Love,
Paige

After our quiet time, we all met back at the dining room for lunch, where we were then broken up into small groups with various table leaders. My table leader just so happened to be a woman I had met on a previous occasion, when she substituted for our leader at Bible Study. She and I hit it off right away since she was from Birmingham, AL. She recognized me and it didn't take long before we were talking about our sweet tea and the Auburn Tigers! We had some discussion questions to go over with our group and then we were released for the afternoon for some free time.

Melissa wanted to do some scrapbooking and I wanted to sleep, so we went our separate ways. I laid in my bed in our room for HOURS trying to sort everything out. Even though I was completely exhausted, I couldn't sleep. My mind was going a mile a minute. Before I knew it, Melissa was back and we talked and talked and talked and before long, it was dinner time.

Tonight was a very emotional night for both Melissa and I. After dinner, we went back to hear the next topic from the speaker - being set free to fulfill God's purpose. At the end of the message, they gave us these index cards where we could write down what we were going to do. The front said "I Will" (Luke 5:5) and on the back of mine, I wrote:

.....reach out
.....make an effort
.....be still and listen

Then the band was playing and women were going down in front to pray with one another. This is when I completely lost it. To see these generations of women, hugging each other, praying for each other and generally loving on each other. It was such a beautiful sight. The church I grew up in was not openly emotional. I had never witnessed anything like this in my life! Melissa and I kept exchanging glossy-eyed glances and smiles as we saw the older generation taking the younger girls into their arms and praying with them and for them. It was so beautiful. And it made me miss my mom. And it made me upset that I had missed out on that as a younger woman and it had this strange way of making me feel like an outcast or a fraud, seeing as how I've spent my entire life in the church but never had a moment as meaningful as that.

They excused us to leave if we wanted to and so we did. Melissa and I both expressed what we were feeling to each other, both coming from different perspectives, but both also very moved and touched by what we had witnessed. We stayed up far too late talking about such things and bonding. Good, old-fashioned bonding.

Ashes and snack

Today was FANTASTIC. Oh so FABULOUS. Today, was a normal day, with normal activities like going to the gym, playgroup at the library, lunch at Baja Fresh, a park in the afternoon. Wheee! That's right, people! We are OUT and ABOUT! After 3+ weeks of Bennett being sick, you should have seen the pure joy, if not faint recognition, at being at the park on a sunny day. We loved every. minute. of it.

Being Ash Wednesday, we were trying to figure out a service to go to. I thought I had finally settled on the 6pm service, but by the time I got everything prepped for cooking dinner after church, diaper changed, shoes on, etc, it was already 5:45. Plan B, I cooked dinner and fed the kids in a hurry and then rushed over to church for the service. Morgan was fascinated with the ashes. I read to her the explanation of Ash Wednesday I had received in my email the day before. She really wanted to go to the service with me, and since I had heard it was short, I told her that she could. She sat on my lap during the service. It started with music and then there was a mini-sermon about Ash Wednesday and Lent. There was some humor in the message and so everyone was laughing here and there, Morgan laughing along with us. Then she started to anticipate the humor, and I probably don't have to tell you that she ended up being the only one to laugh on a couple of occasions. Throughout the service, she would periodically turn to me and whisper in my ear, "When do I get the ash??" I would tell her in a little bit and she'd sit there quietly listening until she couldn't stand it anymore and had to ask again. As soon as the mini-sermon was over, the nice gentleman sitting on my right looks at Morgan and says, "You're giving up ice cream for Lent, right?" If looks could kill...

Finally, it was time for the ashes. We stood up, got in line and went to the front of the chapel where the ashes were being placed on foreheads. The woman in our line asked if Morgan would like ashes and she said she did, so she got some. I got mine and then we headed towards the back of the chapel where communion was out. I grabbed the "bread" and the "wine" and stepped aside to say a prayer. Meanwhile, Morgan is tugging at my pants and asking if she can have some. I quickly and quietly say no and then proceed to take communion. When I'm done, she looks at me and asks if that was what was for snack. Ha! As we are leaving the chapel to go get Bennett from the nursery (it is now FAR past his bedtime), I explain to her that when she is older and learns more about Jesus, she will be able to participate in that special ceremony, but not until later.

When we get to the nursery to pick Bennett up, he takes one look at my forehead and one look at Morgan's forehead and points to his own and proclaims "ME!! Me that on mine head!!" I rub a little ash from my forehead and put it on his and that seems to make him happy. Good thing he didn't see the snack I'd just had!!

Blessed with friends

A little less than a year ago, I was mourning the loss of a close friendship and hoping and praying for some friendships to develop that would fill that void. I can honestly say that my prayers were answered over and over again. Today is the perfect example of that.

I went to church this morning with my friend Kristin and it was an emotional service. It hit me how we had been placed in each other's lives at the time that we were in the way that we were for a reason. It's so funny to me to look at things in hindsight and see how the puzzle pieces fit together. I have felt very alone in my faith for a long time. Not many of my friends are "active" Christians, including my husband. When I first started going to my new church, about this time last year, I told Lance that I really wanted him to join me on this walk. He agreed that he would participate and go to church, but the fact is that he just doesn't. Pretty much on any given Sunday, if you ask him if he'd like to go to church, there's always something else he'd rather do. I knew this about him when I married him, but I also know that if I push him, it's not going to help. I just keep praying that he'll join me and maybe one of these days I'll be surprised. Then, last summer, shortly after my falling out with my former friend, I met Kristin at the pre-Kindergarten play dates. She and I hit it off immediately and we even spent the weekend before school started cleaning up the Kindergarten playground together. That's when I learned that her walk with God was very similar to mine. She was raised in a more traditional type of church (Catholic) as was I (Presbyterian). We were taught all about God and Jesus, but in a more ritualistic manner than what we were experiencing at our new churches. We talked about our husbands and how hers had recently started becoming active in the church and it gave me hope. These deep conversations really helped solidify in my mind that she was a friend that was brought into my life at a certain time and in a certain way.

As I'm on my way home from church today, I was thinking about my friend Melissa and her family. I'm currently planning a baby shower for her impending #2, who's arrival is expected in late May. I'm so excited to plan this for her because I've really gotten to know what a special person she is over the past year. I'm so excited for the changes she is going to experience. She's having a little boy, so we'll have even more in common. She's such a great friend. She's been there for me to vent to, to cry on her shoulder, and to discuss life in general. She's a terrific mom and a terrific friend. Her daughter is in Bennett's playgroup and we've just really bonded over pacifiers, tantrums, and shopping! :) She's a very real person, not putting up a fake exterior. When I was struggling with losing my friendship last year, she really reached out to me to let me know that I wasn't alone and that she was there. That meant so much to me. She's a "go to" person in a time of need and also when you just want to relax and have a good time.

As I was pulling onto my street, my phone rang and it was her. Wanting to know if we had any plans that night because she thought it would be good to get the kids together to play (they have both been essentially quarantined for weeks!) and to have some dinner. It was one of those casual invitations that's just delightful! We were not required to bring a thing but ourselves and when we got there, the kids played nicely together while the adults got to hang out and talk. We stayed WAAAAYY past the kids' bedtimes, but that's okay. Everyone was having fun! It's so nice to have friends that you can just hang out with at a moment's notice. It's even nicer when our husbands like to hang out and have things in common. I love that!



I'll say that my prayers have been answered overwhelmingly. Not just with these two wonderful ladies, but with so many others that have either been in my life for a while and I've gotten closer to, or by new friends that have been brought into my life. I feel so blessed.

Sleep and religious discussions

What is up with all the sleep? Not just me, but the kids also. I was asleep last night by 10:30 and slept for over nine hours. Bennett was in bed around 7:30 last night and slept until 8:45 this morning! Not that I'm complaining, but it's just very bizarre!

My plan this morning was to get the kids off to church with me (we leave between 8:30 and 8:45) to give Lance some more time to himself. Who knows, maybe the stuff I've been wanting to be put in the attic might magically make it's way up there given enough "alone time". :) I woke up with a start at 8am, because NO KIDS had woken me up. Luckily, I had showered last night, but I had thirty minutes to get myself and the kids ready and out the door.

I got dressed and headed downstairs. Morgan was awake, but was sitting in her pajamas playing quietly with her Barbies. Bennett was still asleep, and I just couldn't bring myself to wake him. So, I asked Morgan to put on the clothes that had been laid out the night before. I assisted her to make things move more quickly. She wanted to know what the big rush was and I let her know that we had fifteen minutes to get dressed, eat and get out of here. I told her that she didn't have to go to church, but she just jumped up and started taking clothes off because, "I just LOVE church!" She ate a quick breakfast of cereal and I made coffee while I woofed down an English muffin with cheese on top. We left the house at 8:40, not too bad. I never would have been able to do that if I'd have woken Bennett up. Ahh well.

On the way to church, Morgan saw the theater where we saw Willy Wonka and she told me how much she loved it. She asked if we could maybe buy the CD with the music on it someday like she has the soundtrack for Annie and Cars. I told her that she could put it on her Christmas list. She got all excited about this and said that would be "AWESOME!" Then she started talking about how sometimes Santa makes the toys and sometimes he buys them from the store. But the elves really make the toys. And they are so small. They are "CUTE!!" I was relieved to hear this since last year we had our first visit from The Elf on the Shelf and I was warned by many friends that I would be scarring her for life. Take that, you skeptics! I'm wondering if September is too early for him to visit??

Anyhoo, with all the talk of Christmas I thought I would ask Morgan if she knew what Christmas was all about. We were headed to church, after all. Her response? "It's about getting toys!!" How did I know that's what she was going to say?? So, I tell her that no, that's not really what Christmas is about. And then she goes, "Wait. I know what it's about. It's about Jesus' birthday! I know that because Bennett has a book about the story of Christmas. And it's about when Jesus was born." Yes! That's right! The she said, "When is it that Jesus died on the cross?" and I told her Easter. She wanted to know if that was before or after Christmas. I told her after. She said "okay". I reminded her that Bennett was born on Easter, so by the time the next Easter rolls around, he'll be turning two. "Yeah, when Jesus died on the cross." I wonder if she'll always make the correlation between Jesus dying on the cross and Bennett's birth. :)

After church, we hurriedly got her obligatory "church donut" and headed to the car to get to the park where we were meeting friends. I called Lance and asked him to pack up a lunch for the kids and me. On the way home, we saw a car on the other side of the freeway that was ON FIRE. I'm talking about full on flames. And there was a guy who was still standing there, fairly close to the car. Cars catching on fire is pretty much my biggest fear. I wasn't even comfortable being on the same highway. Going the opposite direction. With a big median between us. I quickly got on the cell phone to call 911 and was promptly put on hold. IN FOUR DIFFERENT LANGUAGES!! I couldn't believe it. Luckily, I saw a fire truck headed to the scene while still on hold, so I hung up.

I swung by the house and Morgan and I changed, we grabbed Bennett and the lunches and headed to the park to give Lance a chance to watch some football and veg out without us around. The kids had fun playing in the sand and water and before I knew it, it was time to come home for naps. The kids got bathed and put down for naps and they are just now waking up. THREE HOURS LATER.

Love it! I desperately need to make a trip to Costco, so maybe I'll do that this afternoon with Morgan. Give the guys a chance to hang out, watching football and farting. :)