I'm sitting here, in my post-mopping glistening, listening to Lifehouse on my iPod. I find them to be very inspirational and moving. And I need a little of that right now. I'm not sure if it's just the culmination of being on kid patrol for the past nearly two weeks without a real break, or if it's other things working on my psyche, but I'm not feeling like the best parent today.
I took the kids out to a park this morning to meet up with a new group of moms and their kids. This is a MOPS group from the church I've been attending regularly for the past 7 months. I've been sort of "eyeing up" the different groups in the church to figure out what I wanted to get involved in and I figured this would be a good one. It's mostly for the moms in the church, connecting to each other (they meet every other week for two hours and have breakfast, and either a speaker or a craft), but also provides a social outlet for the kids. So, I explain to Morgan that this gathering at the park isn't about *her* and I ask her to be patient and to please be on her best behavior. And, while I could attempt a similar pep talk with Bennett, I think we all know how pointless that would be. After securing her promise that she's be on her best behavior, we went to the park (which happens to be one of their favorites since it has both water stuff as well as play structures) and I meet up with some new Moms. Now, as a woman, I am keenly aware of how these "meetings" can often go. They have the potential to be wonderful meetings, but they also have the equal potential to be awkward and disheartening. I got up early this morning so that I could shower and put on clothes that matched and even eyeshadow and eyeliner in anticipation of meeting some new women. I had the pre-park warning talk with Morgan and had plenty of snacks packed, along with swimsuits and toys, and all the things that help ease a day at the park.
When we first met up with the other moms, Morgan kept interrupting the conversation to tell them random facts about her and her life. I asked her to please go play with the other kids, and after a little bit of resistance, she finally complied. Things were fine for a while, but then I heard Morgan being ugly to one of the other kids who dared to want to sit on a rock she had been sitting on. I asked her to please give him a turn and then she went into full 15-year-old sass mode. Arms crossed, glaring eyes and talking back. I was, once again, mortified by my child. I told her to come over to me, to which she started talking back and so I started the countdown... 5-4-3-2-1 and she's screaming at me the whole time that she's COMING AS FAST AS SHE CAN!! I asked her to sit down until she could change her attitude and she continued to talk back to me. I was SO EMBARRASSED. As I'm discussing the consequences of her behavior, she's getting more rapidly out of control. I'm now about five inches from her face, telling her that I will NOT put up with this type of behavior when, out of the corner of my eye, I see Bennett fall down from a picnic table, where he'd climbed up and had been standing on the bench. He hit his head on the concrete and it was all I could do to not start weeping right there. Morgan still had her attitude going on and now I had a wailing Bennett that I needed to make sure was okay. I grabbed Bennett up, sat Morgan down and started to make sure that Bennett was okay. Now Morgan's crying about having to get dressed and I grab her by the arm, look her in the face, and let her know that I'm so embarrassed by her behavior and that she WILL go get her clothes on RIGHT NOW or else she will spend the rest of the day in her room. She continues to talk back, but I just go put her clothes at a picnic table that's away from the crowd and point her in that direction. I'm changing Bennett and soothing him as she finally gets her clothes on and then we are finally able to leave.
As we are leaving, one of the MOPS moms asks if I think I'll be signing up (which I'm positive is code for "Are we going to have to worry about your kids hanging out with our kids?"). I told her I thought I would be signing up. And unbelievably, she sounded relieved and said "Oh, good, then we didn't make too bad of a first impression then?". To which I just laughed and almost snorted as I said "Oh, no. Not at all!". Unlike the first impression I just made.
I couldn't help but lose it in the car on the way home. I just feel like a complete failure. The fact that this child of mine has the audacity to be so disrespectful like that, particularly in front of others. How did this happen? And had I not been so distracted by her, then Bennett wouldn't have fallen. And really, I should have never let that happen. I just feel like a complete and utter loser as a parent.
So, I get home and I get through lunch with the kids, put them down for their naps and get on the phone with my mom. Who then assures me that this is normal. They aren't bad kids, but they are kids. And parenting is hard. We talk through a lot of "you did this" and similar like stuff. I tell her the obvious, that as parents, you are always wondering if you are getting it right. It really is the toughest job, with the biggest consequences. And she confesses that there are things she would have done differently. But, she can't go back and undo any of it. And it doesn't matter anyway, because my brother and I turned out pretty good. Therefore, the good that she did, must have outweighed the bad. And in the end, that's all that really matters, isn't it?
So, I've gotten some hope from my mom, who just so happens to be the best mom in the world. That hope is that maybe I'm not going at this all wrong. Maybe, though it may appear that my kids are going to be the biggest brats on the block, just maybe it's a stage. And maybe it's a stage I went through also. And see? SEE HOW GREAT I TURNED OUT?!! ;)
And just for my mom, I'll put this caveat in there. FINALLY. See how great I turned out, FINALLY. :) Thanks Mom.
2 comments:
Carter's pediatrician told me, early on, to look at his diet over a two week period and not to stress over the 2 days he doesn't want lunch or the day he gets no veggies.
I think it's a good idea to judge our parenting the same way. Not day by day, and certainly not in a single situation. Sit back and think about a 14-day span and how you have handled the struggles with your children. More than likely, we'll find ourselves much more satisfied with our accomplishments as moms (undoubtedly the most difficult job in the world).
I agree with Aspohn, we should try not to judge ourselves at all and definitely not based on one incident. We do the best we can with what we've got. Morgan was sassing you because that is what Morgan is supposed to do. Her job is to try and break away from you, to become more independent as she gets older. Your job is to teach her how to be a good person and to make sure she is healthy and alive (hard as that may be at times :>). Actually, the fact that she has such a good sense of self and felt safe enough to act the way she did speaks well of you. As for Bennett... well, he's got you for a mom, I think he'll do well.
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