A new perspective

Nothing can make you look at things differently like your kids do. And I don't mean the way you look back on your childhood and think about how it's amazing you survived your no-car-seat-no-seat-belt childhood. I'm talking about how the smallest things can look like the most amazing things in their eyes. Take this house that we rented on our vacation to O'ahu, for example.

When I saw it, I saw a double bed that seemed to be half the size of the bed I share with my husband at home. I see tight quarters and cramped spaces. To them? They used words like cozy and cute. In fact, my youngest told me that his favorite thing about our trip to O'ahu was the house. It's all about perspective!

Gift of Time

I'm sitting here on a beautiful, sunny day in gorgeous Northern California. The kids are all tuckered out from a sleepover last night and then a morning out at one of our favorite swimming holes in the area -- a summer tradition. We are leaving tomorrow to fly home to Florida to see my family and to drive up to Alabama for a family reunion. And I'm ready. I'm not that crazy person running around at 1AM looking for that travel toothbrush. I can sit here and do something I love, blogging, and feel good about it without stress over the trip (aside from the stresses of traveling with a tyrannical two year old). I'm looking forward to starting a new job in a few weeks. Actually, if you want to know the truth, I'm like a kid waiting for the first day of school at their beloved school. I'm able to get myself into the right frame of mind for what that holds, because of this time I have. I'm planning a fun party for my awesome husbands' 40th birthday. You see, I've been able to spend the past two months with my kids and helping at their school, and taking care of a bunch of little things that I never seem to have time for. I've been able to take the kids to all the fun places we try to squeeze in each spring and summer. What a blessing. I honestly cannot think of a better gift to give someone. The gift of time.

For some of my friends, they would probably say that my positive outlook is somewhat new, as I've spent the past 18 months going through a very lengthy and painful divestiture process at my place of employment. From one moment to the next,  my hopes and dreams rode on the fate of folks that I have never spoken to, and some that I have. I would be lied to, manipulated, counted on, dismissed, and often times having to pass along not very good news to a wonderful team. The team exploded and had to be put back together a few times. We lost key people at inopportune times. It was hard. It was hard on me. I felt like a whole different person. I wasn't able to successfully accomplish much at work given the situation. It really started to weigh on me and it was a fairly unhealthy environment for me. There were days where things were great, as I was heavily engaged with potential buyers and saw hope in them. But, it would all come crashing down, when later we discovered that, yet again, we couldn't close a deal. I remember when I started working at this company, and how it all came to be. I remember talking to my Mom about how things lined up, doors just opened at it seemed I was destined to be there at that time. God put me there for sure. I was just trying to figure out why. Was I there to be a leader when none other was present? Was I there because of where the company was going to end up? I went through 18 months of this uncertainty and without clear purpose. 

I am not going to try to tell you that I have now figured out why those doors opened for me when they did, but I can tell you that out of that dark time in my life came an ability to live a more balanced life. As I prepare for the next stop in my journey, I can't help but wonder how my balance will be in another couple of years. I just hope that God continues to bless me with time and the ability to balance life.

Here we go again

So, I've been off work for about three weeks now. Three glorious weeks. I've spent time shopping, taking day trips, hanging out with friends, playing games with my family, and it a culminated in out trip to Disneyland. The cold hard reality of my real life has started to come crashing down with volunteer commitments, and then more heavily with the return of school and work tomorrow. It has been so good to be able to disconnect and really just be a mom and a wife and a friend for a period of time. It makes me realize how valuable a large chunk of time "out of the norm" can be. My family has bonded more, I have been able to let go of some stress and just be with my kids and my husband. It makes me feel like me again and that is really priceless.

All around me, I hear everyone talking about not taking anything for granted, remembering to tell everyone that you love them and making sure you are present. I really feel like it is something everyone needs - a chunk of time to refocus on what is important. So, while I want to go back to work refreshed, I'm not. I'm going back spent. But I spent it all on the people I love most. I'd call that a success.

Happy Easter!

As if coming home from the hospital isn't enough to take in for one day, there was also the Easter preparations to worry about. Bennett is my original Easter baby, having been born on Easter morning in 2007. Now I have a new Easter babe, born on Maundy Thursday! Unfortunately, that meant that I was not going to be able to go to church for Good Friday services or even on Easter morning, and I admit I was a little saddened by that. Luckily, my mom was game for taking the kids to church on Easter morning, so after the eggs were all found, breakfast and a good dose of sugar was had, off they went. Myself, Lance and my Dad stayed back and celebrated Easter with Landon at home.

Here are a few pictures from Easter morning!

The kids' baskets

 The pre-hunt investigation

Easter Sunday best!

They say each pregnancy and baby are different....

....and this little guy is proving that he's going to make his mark on this world. Either he's the most mellow baby in the world, or he's already trying his hand at testing his mother's patience!

It's hard to be such a planner and to have zero control or predictability about going into labor and delivering a baby. Given that Morgan was 10 days early and Bennett 7 days early, I never thought I'd be sitting here a day before my due date wondering how an induction is going to go. But so goes life and I suppose it's all part of my journey as a mother.

I suppose it would not be as disappointing or tiring if I hadn't been having real contractions for two weeks now. Last night was the straw that broke the camel's back, however. At 2:30 in the morning, the contractions were so reminiscent of previous labors that I thought for sure that this little stinker decided to pave his own way two days before the scheduled induction. I was in pain for a couple of hours and then it stopped just as quickly as it had started. This has pretty much been the way things have gone for the past few weeks. Totally frustrating and always leaving me disappointed as I inevitably had started thinking about how it's going to be to feel this baby in my arms and smell his sweet baby's breath. 

Patience is certainly no virtue of mine, but at least I know that this is all coming to and end (or is it a beginning?) tomorrow as I go in for my scheduled induction. It's a good thing too, as the kids are getting antsy about meeting their little brother. Every night for the past week or so, Morgan has said goodnight to me, "see you in the morning, if not sooner!" and anxiously awaits news of a baby during each day.

I'm extremely nervous about being induced, as I've never before experienced anything remotely close to an induction. Never had to have anything stripped, never had to have pitocin, etc. I just keep praying that all the contractions I've been having have progressed my further than the 1cm I was dialated a week ago and that all I need is a subtle push to get things really going. For real this time.

Can't wait to meet the final member of our family tomorrow. I wonder who he's going to look like and what his temperament is going to be like. They say that each child is different...

One hour in the morning

The day starts as the alarm clock goes off. I peek through heavy eyelids and see the time is 6:30. A sleep in morning. I get up and get in the shower and then as I'm drying off, I can hear the life that has started percolating downstairs. Someone is talking a little too loudly, coffee is grinding, life is carrying on. After I'm ready, I go downstairs and greet my family as they themselves get ready for the day. Morgan is in tears for some reason and Bennett is slurping milk out of a bowl that is dangerously close to the edge of the table. I start gathering breakfast for myself, but it isn't long before I find myself needing to resolve the issue that is heating up between Lance and Morgan.

"Daddy won't let me eat breakfast", she wails as she tries to find her socks and shoes. I try to hide my amusement, at the thought that her father is actually withholding a meal from her. I give her some nudging to get her socks and shoes on, which is met with more tears and "but I don't know where they aaaaaaaarrrrrrreeeeee!" I give her some general locations to check and then go back to the kitchen to see about some coffee. Lance is in there, working on breakfast himself and I ask him why on earth he would not allow our daughter to eat breakfast (in a joking manner, of course). He informs me that, as expected, that wasn't exactly what happened. There had been some issue with the remaining cereal and her not wanting it and throwing a fit. He'd asked her to go finish getting ready for school before breakfast. After she was ready, she could eat.

About then, the timer that Lance had set for Bennett goes off, signaling it was time for him to go sit on the potty. I go over to the table and help him down and then follow him to make sure he's doing what he's supposed to do. He pulls down his pants and Big Boy Diego underwear, all the time eyeing the jar of peanut M&Ms on the counter top in the bathroom. He sits for a minute or so before I hear the "da da da DA!" jingle the potty seat makes when something crosses the sensor's plane. He smiles at me and announces "I went potty!!" I give him my most enthusiastic high five, watch while he pulls up his pants and underwear, empties the potty tray into the toilet and flushes it, "bye bye pee pee!" and then squirt him with some foaming hand cleanser. We go back to the table where he is supposed to finish up his cereal because he's going to need to sit on the potty in another 15 minutes and at that time, he's going to need to be getting dressed. Morgan has a performance at school right after drop off.

Morgan has finally located her shoes, but is still sobbing uncontrollably. Focus. Get your hair brush, put a headband in and put your sweatshirt on. After she's completely dressed, Lance has her fix the homework she'd finished the night before, but upon checking had not done correctly. This practically sends her over the top. I know Lance is trying to prove a point to her about wasting time (arguing over cereal), so we try to ignore the drama and just keep emphasizing that she can eat as soon as she is completely ready for school. You might think this would make her move faster, but it actually has the opposite affect since she's not getting what she wants and feels compelled to lament over it.

I'm stand in the kitchen and throw down a quick bowl of raisin bran, put together a thermos of coffee and a Coke Zero to take to work. Secretly, I'm praising God for the fact that we have a team lunch today and I need not worry about packing a lunch. T minus five minutes to leave for the train.

Lance needs to get dressed, Morgan needs to eat, Bennett is finishing breakfast while waiting for the timer to go off again. Everything is in motion, full chaos.

I gather my laptop and glasses, phone and charger since I failed to plug it in last night and once everything is together, I start the process of saying goodbye. Having finished his breakfast, Bennett runs over and grabs my leg and says "Kiss and Hug, Momma!". I bend down and give him a kiss and a quick squeeze. T minus NOTHING to leave for the train. Morgan starts sobbing again, "what about me??!!"She comes running to the door where I take her face in my hand and tell her to have a good day, give her a kiss and a quick squeeze and then I'm out the door.

Ice on the windshield, defroster not working fast enough. Train is coming. Friday traffic sucks. I race to the train station and make it just in time.

All of this in one short hour. And I admit, sometimes I'm breathing a sigh of relief as I walk out that door. A sigh that I'm glad it's not me that has to have the battle of getting in the car and how quickly they are moving and who has their shoes on. A breath of relief that I get to get on a train and open a book and read for 30 minutes. But other times, such as today, I feel badly for the task that my husband has at hand. Potty training, homework, lessons, tardiness. It's a lot. I know FIRST HAND that it's a lot. I wish I could stay and help. Wish I could stay and watch the performance. Such mixed feelings....glad I have a book to escape into!

A fresh perspective on the season

Two years ago, I was plotting my escape from the corporate world. I had short timers syndrome and I was eagerly looking forward to a day when I would only have myself to answer to. One year ago, I was completely immersed in all things Christmas. I was baking and decorating, writing Christmas cards, and wrapping presents. Last year, I had it all done by early December and enjoyed the season, rather than rushing through it as I'd done every previous year.

This time of year is stacked full of shopping and decorating. Get togethers and obligations. Travel, logistics, planning, shipping, baking, dinners and planning. As a parent, you want to really make things sparkle, remembering the magic of Christmas as a child. You need to make sure everyone has the best Christmas ever. That's a lot of pressure.

This year, I'm trying to find the happy medium. The balance of being able to really enjoy the season without feeling a slave to it. I want to retain some of that ability I had last year to enjoy it. Since I'm working and don't have the luxury of being at home this year, I've made an agreement with myself.

Self: You will not put unattainable expectations upon yourself. You will do the things that bring you joy and take a pass on the ones that you do because you feel like you have to or someone else needs you to. You know what? You may not be able to get the perfect picture for the holiday card. No one will notice but you. You cannot do it all. Delegate tasks to others so that you don't overly burden yourself with the weight off all things Christmas. Most importantly, you will cherish the moments you have with your family. They are so precious and really, nothing else matters...

On Sunday, we had such fun as a family decorating the tree. Lance is not as "into the holiday spirit" as I am, but I caught him humming along to Jingle Bell Rock. Morgan told me that her favorite thing about this time of year was the smell of the fresh tree in our house (yes, my heart melted to hear such a thing out of the mouth of my babe!). I will forever remember this Christmas as the one where Bennett could really help decorate the tree. Well, specifically, two branches since those are the only ones he felt obligated to decorate. I'm glad I was able to stop, step back and take it all in. That's what it's about. Not some silly fake pet hamster that only the first 100 people in line at Toys R Us can get. :)

May 25th? Really??

Wow. It's been over six months since I've blogged. In that six months, my life has been turned upside down. At first I got behind on blogging with the business that warm weather brings. Spring break, then summer fun like day trips and fun outings. So many pictures should have been posted. So many little anecdotes to document the memories for my children. But, alas, time was spent with the children and left little time to blog about it.

Here I am, six months later and wondering how to even delve back into this world that I loved so. The perfectionist in me wants to go back and account for each of the last 189 days. That would make it right. Complete. However, my world now is not a world of perfection. I've reentered the world of incomplete and imperfection. A world where I will never be able to do everything I want and where I spend the majority of my waking time worrying about things that are left forgotten or ways that I didn't stack up today. Welcome back to the world of a working mom.

Just to catch you up, things were tough for a while with Lance's job. He had taken a 20% pay cut right before Christmas last year. That's when he started looking for a new job. We felt extremely lucky and blessed that he found something rather quickly and was able to easily transition into a new job at a higher pay rate. How fortunate for us. Except the down side to this was that he was now working for a tyrant of a woman and the hours were brutal. He was frequently gone before the kids woke up in the mornings and not home until they were in bed. That was hard. But, the hardest part came when in July, the company suddenly decided they needed to cut back drastically (letting go of 6 people of their 25 people team) and since Lance was the newest hire, he was let go. Unexpectedly and without warning. One minute we were having a great summer trip with my family, visiting with my grandparents in Oregon and plotting our 10 year anniversary getaway upon return to the bay area and the next minute we were trying to piece our lives back together.

A month or so went by without any good options. This economy was certainly taking it's toll. The interview process was brutal on Lance. He had tons of phone screens and some in person interviews, but they never really seemed to pan out. They always wanted someone who could fill more than one role....you know, since things were tight. So many friends were in the same boat and not that many employers hiring. We were hearing that it was taking people 6 months to a year to find a job. So toward the end of July/beginning of August, I asked Lance if I should start putting the feelers out there and he agreed it would be a good idea.

I started looking around and saw a packaging project management position at Logitech. It was a super simple job that I could do in my sleep. Perfect, I thought. I remembered that I knew people at Logitech and so I emailed my friend and former coworker, Stan, to let him know I was applying for this position. He emailed me back and said he would be glad to recommend me for that position. I didn't think much of it and continued my half-hearted search. About a week later, I got a message from Stan telling me not to get my hopes up, but that a new position had just become available and he thought, based on my resume, I'd be a good fit for. He told me he'd submitted me for that position. He told me a little bit about the position - it was a position managing software programs from a group that was a recently acquired company. They needed someone to help bring them into the fold of the existing Logitech processes. Given my background with program management, software, and process implementation, it was obvious to me also that this position was perfectly suited for me. Was it that easy job managing the packaging of the product? Nope. Would it be challenging? Yes. But, when have I ever been someone to shy away from a challenge?

Things progressed from there. I had a quick phone screen and then was brought in for a round of in-person interviews. I prepped the night before like it was a final exam. I ran through scenarios with Lance and tried to revive this business brain of mine after a year and a half at home. The interviews went really well. I met with five people and felt like I hit it off with all of them but one. Now I had to wait to hear back for who they were calling back for second rounds. It took about a week or so. Just long enough for my confidence to start plummeting. I had gotten one of those silly emails forwarded to me. You know the ones. Forward this to 11 friends and you will hear news you've been waiting to hear at a certain time. The timing was about right for the news I was expecting, so I went ahead and did it. Right on cue, my phone rang with news that I was being called back for a second round. Time to cram for my next final! The day came and I met with three high level people plus my potential boss. I thought it went well, again. I asked my potential boss what the next steps would be. He told me that if I was selected, he would be contacting me, probably in a week. I asked about what would happen if I wasn't selected and he told me that I would probably still be contacted, but by HR. Now it was time to wait. Luckily this time it was a little less painful, as they had narrowed it down to me and one other person. Within a week, the offer came in.

I remember being completely shocked because the call came from HR. I knew when I heard the recruiters voice that I was passed over. Imagine my surprise when said, "Logitech would like to extend an offer to you". Wow! She gave me the details and it was good. Really good. It was the kind of good that makes up your mind for you. Great company, great benefits, excellent pay, a signing bonus, all that. Meanwhile, in a city far away (but not that far away), Lance was back for a second meeting with a company who had asked HIM to make THEM an offer. What would it take to get him to work there. This was a somewhat promising start up company of ten people. TEN. Obviously, not as stable as a 7,000 employee company such as Logitech. So, when I called Lance with the details of the offer, we both agreed that there was no way I could turn this down. I did the requisite counter offer, which was politely denied, and then accepted the terms as they were and set a start date for a little over two weeks away.

I spent the next two weeks figuring out how this was going to work. Lance and I agreed that he would, at least for a while, give it a go at being a stay at home dad. One less thing for me to worry about as I ventured back into the work force. For those two weeks, I savored every hug and kiss. Every moment I got to spend with my kids, tucking them in for naps or bed, reading them stories and playing with them. We finished up our summer outings and then Morgan started first grade. I took advantage of my newly limited time at home and spent as much time as I could at the school and helping in the class. First grade is so different, but I only had a week to absorb that before it was time for my "first day of school".

I started my new job on September 8th. I will go into the job a little more in future posts, but to sum it up: it is the perfect job for me, as it is really challenging. I am really enjoying some of the people I work with and really NOT enjoying some others. I miss my husband (we had A LOT of togetherness during our forced family summer break) . I miss my kids. I miss my friends. I miss the life that I had longed for for so long and had so briefly.

My current mantra? There is a season for everything.

Another favorite summertime treat

In addition to the return of the summer farmers market, another thing I've been looking forward to all winter was the opening of the farms for U-pick fruit in the nearby city of Brentwood. Last summer we went and picked cherries and pluots and blackberries. We had so much fun and I have really been looking forward to doing it this year, since Bennett is big enough to do more than watch from the stroller. We made it a big family trip, waiting to do it on Memorial Day when the dads would be home. We went with my friend Melissa W and her family and we all had a great time. The fruit wasn't as ripe as we had hoped it would be, but we came home with plenty! Lance even had enough for a pie!

After picking fruit, we had hoped to go to a place called Scoops, where you can play and eat, but it was closed. So, we made the best of it and headed over to Chili's for lunch. The guys hung out at one end of the table chatting and watching Bennett while Melissa and I hung out at the other end talking and taking care of Morgan, Collin and Brandon. It was a nice way to end the outing. Here are some pictures from our fun day!

The thought is what counts!

My wish for today was nothing more than to be able to lounge around in bed all day. Here's what I had imagined.

Sleeping in.
Breakfast in bed.
Snuggling with children.
Sending children away to commence hours upon ours of alternating between blogging, reading and watching trash TV.
Staying in my pajamas all day.
Seeing sweet faces give me cards.
Not having to lift a single finger to do a single thing.
Facebooking in bed.
Not having to plan, cook or clean up any meals.
Did I mention the staying in bed all day part?



Here's what I got:
Slept in a little
Breakfast in bed.
Snuggles with children.
Sent children away and commenced short bursts of blogging, reading, and watching TV.
Stayed in my pajamas most of the day.
Sweet faces gave me cards.
Ended up helping with kids because they were a real handful.
Facebooking in bed.
Didn't plan, cook, or clean up any meals.
Didn't stay in bed all day....it's too stressful to hear your husband losing his patience with children acting like banshees.
Oh, and I got some lovely flowers on Friday!

Happy Mothers Day!

If you don't have anything nice to say...

....then show pictures and videos of your amazing kids! :)

We went to see Lance's mother today. We haven't seen her since Bennett was a couple months old. We drove the two and a half hour drive with the kids plugged into a movie. Well, okay, just Morgan plugged in since Bennett kept taking his headphones off and unplugging his DVD player. It was nice to see her, but it was also a farewell since she's moving away to Washington. It's always a little strange to me to visit with relatives that you don't see very often. You are supposed to have this familiarity, but yet it's not there since you don't see them too often.

Fortunately, kids don't recognize social nuances such as these, and instead, had fun seeing their Nana. Since she is in the process of packing and someone else is moving in, we went out to lunch and then headed to this really amazing park for some play time after. This park had EVERYTHING! A little play town, a play structure, a rope web to climb on, sand, swings, water stuff, EVEN HORSES TO RIDE AND A TRAIN! I wish we had a reason to go back...


After lots of fun at the park, we loaded back into the car and dropped Lance's mom back off at her house. We said our goodbyes and then were off for our two and a half hour drive back. This one was with seriously deliriously tired children, so we got to see fun things such as this video.




Good times.

Mr. Pickles

There is a restaurant in town, right on the corner of a busy intersection that has seen at least five turnovers since we've lived here. For some reason, whatever was there has not done very well. It's past lives include things like sushi and sandwiches and just when an owner would get settled in, pretty soon you'd see a "For Sale" sign in the window. It's baffled Lance and I since we moved here.

Except the current tenant is an extraordinary entrepreneur. Sure, they've moved in with the usual lunch fare, but this time they have their secret weapon.

A giant, dancing pickle.

I know....what? A giant dancing pickle? Yes, that is correct. It's become the thing my children look forward to when we drive by. If he's out there dancing, they are crazy waving at him and pointing him out. I'm pretty sure they must know me by my car and my kids. Because they look like fools every time we drive by. And with this particular location, it's quite often.

I kid you not, we will be down the street, driving towards the restaurant and they are both straining to catch sight of the chef's hat he wears. Oh, we've had many different conversations centered on Mr. Pickles. Where is he in the mornings when he's not out? He's sleeping. Why does he wear a hat? He's a chef at the restaurant. How does he see out? Do you think he eats pickles?

EVEN IF HE'S NOT THERE, we go through the same stuff. Bennett will inform me (EVERY TIME) that he's not there because he's sleeping so that he can wave to him.

Even though I never visited any of the other establishments that called this particular location home, we WILL be going to Mr. Pickles. Because, really? How can I not. It's practically Disneyland.

Nice work, Mr. Pickles. Sheer genius!

Preparing for the weekend

The weather is due to turn really nice and warm for the weekend and I decided to take the day to prepare for the weekend. Tomorrow is Melissa's baby shower and I know I'll want to come home and hang out in the back yard with the family afterwards. So, I spent all morning mowing the lawn, pulling weeds, teaching Morgan how to pick up dog poop (which is, unbelievably, a really fun thing for her to do -- she was begging me to do it, so don't go calling CPS), and washing down EVERYTHING. All the cushions got cleaned, the patio furniture, heck, even the kids got a good hose down. :) It was very cute, Bennett kept laughing and running towards me saying, "don't get me wet!!" LOL

I cleared off the deck from all the residual crap my husband has been collecting and organized and set out toys for the kids to play with outside. I hauled the old grill out to be thrown out and cleaned all around the new one. The water fountain is flowing, the sun is shining. Summer is on it's way!

After all this work, didn't end up getting the kids down for their naps until 4pm!! Whoops! We didn't eat lunch until 3 though! Guess that's what happens when you are having fun, huh?

Tonight, I took my stuff over to Melissa's mom's house for the baby shower tomorrow. Need to get a good night sleep because I'm really looking forward to tomorrow!

Waiting

I've never been a patient person. If I have to wait in a line that has more than two people in front of me, I'm mentally going through exit scenarios or alternative plans. Or better yet, if I'm waiting at a stop light and it turns green, the person in front of me just needs to GO. I mean, really, what are you waiting for?? So, you take someone like me, you add two offspring who are equally as patient and you mix in a little bit of missing Grandma and Grandpa and what you come up with is a group of people practically climbing the walls waiting for Grandma and Grandpa's arrival! Luckily Morgan had school to keep her busy, but there's no such thing for Bennett and I, so I opted for the cardio & core class at the tennis club to help keep me busy (and oh boy did it!). Their plane was to arrive at roughly 11ish, so by the time they got their bags and rental car and drove out here from SFO, we're looking at around 1, right? Enough time for me to get the kids home from picking up Morgan, to feed them lunch and then be ready when Grandma and Grandpa arrived. Except at 1pm? Grandma called to let me know they were just on their way in the rental car. It's bad enough when you're anticipating something and things get delayed as an adult. But kids get even more upset. I opted to go ahead and put Bennett down for his nap while Morgan and I waited for the grand arrival. We read books and tried to keep each other preoccupied, but every time we thought we heard a door, we went running to the front room to look through the window to see if it was them. FINALLY it was!

It's hard to live this far away from your family. It's hard to not see them on a day to day basis. But, imagine if I lived down the street. Would they ever get the grand reception that awaits them each and every time we see them? There's some up side to this waiting business.

Fun times continue

This time last year, we were partaking in our annual tradition with our family friends where we decorate cookies and dye Easter eggs. That's the same friend whom I had the falling out with and so this year, we weren't going to be going to their house to do this. It wasn't long before Morgan wanted to know if we were going to be going to their house to dye eggs, so I had to tell her (yet again) that we weren't really friendly with them anymore and we hadn't been invited there, but I thought maybe we could continue the tradition at our house and invite some different friends. She got so excited, my little party girl, and was clamoring for a list of things we needed to do to get ready! Well, we're ready and today was the day! Yesterday, the eggs were hard boiled and this morning we baked the cookies. The goodie bags are stuffed, the table cloths laid down and then we were ready for our friends to arrive! Everyone brought a dish to share and so there was lots of yummy food. All the kids had a lot of fun, some of them just now coming into the age where they can get into things like this. Morgan and her friend Chenoa, enjoying some big girl time together. Chenoa even commented about how this was the best party she'd ever been to! I teased Lara that she's sheltering her daughter way too much! Though it can be chaotic with so many kids in one house, it was well worth it!! Here are some pictures from our fun evening!

Danger at the zoo

Some of you may have heard about the horrible tiger attack at the San Francisco zoo on Christmas day in 2007. Since then, you can see how the zoo has secured many of it's animal enclosures much better than they were before. One thing that they haven't done was to get rid of the crazy savage squirrels they have running around.

It was a beautiful day at the zoo. We were enjoying giraffes, turtles, birds, and other creatures. We went into the children's zoo and saw there was a fairly large petting zoo. We all parked our strollers outside the petting zoo, as instructed, and went in to enjoy some fun with the goats and sheep. While we were in there, the batteries in my camera died. I wanted to take a picture of Bennett on a tiny little tractor, so I ran out to get replacement batteries from my diaper bag. I noticed a rather large squirrel on the handle of my friend Melissa's stroller. It was trying to get into a bag of wheat thins she had and was dangerously close to her Starbucks coffee cup. I shooed it away, grabbed my batteries and headed back in and took this amazingly cute shot.


We spent a lot of time in the petting zoo and then it was time to move on. We went to the gate where the hand sanitizer was, sanitized our hands and then went out to get the stroller. I looked at the ground and saw a bag of cookies that had been opened. Hmmm....I brought some with me just like that. That's when it dawned on me. They were MY cookies. Like, the ones that were in the thermos cooler bag that was completely zipped up. I checked my bag. Yep. The little bastard had managed to unzip the bag and in doing so, ripped the zipper up so badly that it completely ruined my cooler bag! So not good. And the little shit had the audacity to sit there, eating my Sensible Portion S'mores cookies right in front of me (apparently he has to watch what he eats with such a smorgasbord of options every day, fat bastard). I'm pretty sure that he was laughing at a decibel level that I just couldn't hear. Savage, I tell you. Completely savage.















As we were walking away, my friend Lisa noticed that her girls' bag of Pirates Booty had been ravaged also. Forget the tigers! Watch out for those sneaky savage squirrels!

March is my new December

You know how December is like crazy busy with every weekend being filled with activities? Somehow, my March has turned out to be like that. I've been busy nearly every moment of it so far! So busy, in fact, that my normal every day errands are now being squeezed into any spare moment I have. Lance even went to the grocery store for me AFTER I got home from a moms club meeting last night, around 9:30.

Today, I was up and out and at Boswell's when they opened at 9am. I needed to get stuff there for Morgan's class' St. Patrick's Day party as well as stuff for Easter, and for Melissa's baby shower. I also wanted to hit Party City, but they didn't open until 9:30. I managed to get there shortly after they opened and got done with just enough time to get to playgroup on time. After playgroup, I had a little less than an hour to kill and needed to eat, so Bennett and I went to a nearby deli to eat some lunch before heading off to pick Morgan up from school.

Once we were home, the kids went down for naps and before I knew it, it was time for Morgan's play date with her friend Nolan (they went to preschool together and he lives in our neighborhood). While they played at his house, I was able to get a few chore-like things done and get dinner prepped while keeping Bennett entertained with "painting". Pretty soon, I went and got her and then we came home, had dinner and then it was time to get the kids to bed.

Seems like day after day is like this. One thing after another. Yesterday it was gym, park, pick up, quick nap, Super Franks, Lance met us there and took the kids home so I could get to the moms club meeting on time. Tomorrow it's running errands in the morning, then MOPS, then pick up, then catching up on the chores I haven't done this week. Last weekend was busy with tennis and then yard work, having friends over for dinner, church and then High School Musical on Ice and then movie night with a friend. This weekend starts with Bunko on Friday night, tennis on Saturday morning as well as Thinking Day for Girl Scouts, Morgan having a sleep over at Kaitlyn's house, us having friends over for dinner, church and then me working Bingo. Seems like most weekends this month are like that!

It's funny to think about how I was concerned with what I would fill my days with before I quit working. Somehow, I find a way! Anyone who knows me knows that I thrive on this type of schedule. As much as it may tire me out and as much as it's nice to have a break here and there, I much prefer to keep moving. I feel like I'm really living life and trying to get the most out of it.

Day trip

A small taste of what I have missed since this summer....Morgan was out of school today for a teacher's work day today and we took advantage of that fact and the great weather and took a day trip out to the zoo. We brought our lunches, our friends Kristin and Kaitlyn along and we all had a great time! I know that when summer comes, we'll get to do more of this, but maybe since this is a mid-school-year getaway, it's a special treat and seems even sweeter.

Not to mention that we are now completely out of the sick and bad weather funk.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from our trip today.


Life is good!

Baby fever

I could have also named this entry "the one my husband doesn't want to hear", but you know what? It's MY blog, right? Maybe as a courtesy, I could put something in the title like "honey, just pass this one over". But, maybe that's pretty much the same as the title I picked, no?

Today I spent time planning a baby shower for Melissa. I am so excited about throwing her this shower, as I have actually gotten very few opportunities to throw baby showers and hardly ever for such a great friend. I let my creative juices flow and settled on a "theme" that really suits Melissa to a T. I cannot wait! While perusing websites for shower invitations, it's hard to not also get sucked into looking at those baby announcements. Cute toes. Crazy hair, or no hair. Time, date, weight, length. Happiness. Baby sighs. Baby breathe. Ohhhhhh - baby smells! See, it's hard not to do that to yourself.

Are all women this way? As soon as your baby is not so much a baby any more, you start reminiscing about the good ole days of no sleep, little lumps of baby goodness and tiny fingers and toes. I wonder, when you're on your fourth or fifth, or FOURTEENTH kid, does it go away? I've been praying for this very thing. Either to have it go away and to know that my family is complete as it is, or to have some clear indication that another child is just what we need. Now, my husband will tell you straight out that we have a girl and a boy and we are done. But me? Not so sure. Granted, we'd need to be on the same page, so maybe since he's done, by default I am? Except what if it doesn't feel right?

Then, today I get an email from my friend Tara, who's older daughter is in Bennett's playgroup. She just had her second child, another little girl. And she's got that newborn goodness dripping from the pictures. I mean, seriously. Do I have a problem? Is there a support group for women like me? Or am I completely normal? How do you know you are done? I asked my mom this question and her answer was so easy. She always wanted two. My dad always wanted two. They had a boy and a girl. They were done. But see, me? I've always dreamed of a bigger family. Maybe it's because I always wanted to have more, and/or closer siblings. I just think the relationship that you have in a family is such an amazing thing and why wouldn't you want to have MORE of that?

I have friends tell me that I need to have another. I've been told things like "two are too neat" and "if anyone should have more it's you" and those statements echo through my head and my heart whenever I start thinking about this.

The thing is, I can see myself with at least one more kid. I can picture it. I know what I would do. I know the things we'd have to change and the logistics of it. I know how it would work. And even though when I was going through everything with Bennett's pregnancy and babyhood, I prepared myself for it to be the last (knowing how my husband felt), that doesn't mean that it "sits" right.

For now, I'm going to enjoy seeing, hearing and smelling the babies that are entering the world now. Tara just had hers, Melissa is due in May. Maybe by then I'll have gotten my answer. Maybe by then, I'll feel at peace with it, whatever it is.

The lows of motherhood

Because one child throwing up and pooping everywhere is not enough, God has seen it fit to bless me with yet another child who is throwing up. Lucky me! It started at 3am last night, when Morgan came into our bedroom, very upset and crying that she had thrown up. I immediately jump out of bed and run into the guest room where she's been sleeping since Lance has been working on her ceiling. Sure enough, there's a big puddle of vomit on the bed. I'm trying to comfort her and also get things cleaned up. I call for Lance's help and then escort her into the bathroom, where she kneels down in front of the toilet and starts heaving. I get a hair tie and tie her hair back, rubbing her back all the while telling her that it's going to be okay.

Now, I consider myself a pretty strong person. I've been there for a lot of people through a lot of situations. But I've found my kryptonite, and it's watching my child begging for the pain to stop. Crying, moaning and screaming out about the pain in her belly. I just started sobbing and told Lance that I couldn't watch it. I felt horrible, but I knew that if I was that upset, I would only upset her more. So, Lance went into the bathroom with her to comfort her while I got myself together. Once I had it together, and she had quit moaning and screaming out, we switched again and while Lance changed the sheets, I sat on the bathroom floor with my first born, rubbing her back while her listless body laid on the bath rug.

This is too much! When she seemed to be done vomiting for the time being and the sheets were all changed, I asked her if she wanted to lay in bed. She said she did and begged me to continue rubbing her back to keep her mind off of her tummy. I would have rubbed her back all night. It didn't take long and she was out. I sat there for a few more minutes, watching my child. Glad the sleep and overcome her and sad for the pain she was in. Finally, I got up and went back into our room to go back to bed. Except I couldn't sleep. I was too worried about her throwing up again. And would I hear her? Would she be moaning again? And what happens when Bennett gets up in the morning and he has pooped everywhere? How am I going to handle two sick kids on my own?

As predicted, when Bennett woke up, it was in a puddle of poop. Poor baby. He immediately got a bath thanks to Daddy and I checked on Morgan. She was in much better spirits, very excited that she had slept the rest of the night without throwing up. I was happy to see her feeling better and we tread cautiously with breakfast for both of the kids. Bananas and toast were in order. Lance ran to the store to restock on bananas and powerade before work and I got settled in for yet another day at home with sick kids. Both of the kids were acting completely normal. Bennett's diapers were looking more normal and Morgan told me she felt good enough to go to school. With some gifts that I had planned to deliver this morning staring me in the face, I asked Morgan if she felt good enough to take a ride in the car. She told me she did. So, I packed the kids up in the car, went through the Starbucks drive through to get a non-fat decaf latte for my favorite pregnant person and then we headed over to Melissa's house to drop off her birthday presents. When we got off on her exit, Morgan fell asleep in the car. I left the engine running, ran up to the door, put the presents and coffee on the doorstep and then knocked on the door. Melissa answered as we were pulling away and I waved a Happy Birthday to her.

I should have known not to push it since Morgan had fallen asleep. See, she's notorious for getting motion sickness when falling asleep in the car in the mornings when she was two and a half, I couldn't feed her breakfast before heading to work (a 3o minute drive) because she would barf it up when she woke up as we were getting off the Interstate. But, I had a movie that was due back to Blockbuster the previous day, so I stopped by on my way home, a five minute detour. Sure enough, about two minutes from home, Morgan wakes up and starts puking everywhere. She's crying and telling me that she's sorry for thinking that she was not going to throw up again. I pull over, telling her that it's okay. I look through my "emergency bag" for something for her to throw up into, but it's been so long since I had to worry about this, there was nothing. I tell her to just throw up where ever she needs to and she continues to do say. I got a bottle of water from the bag, some wipes and give them to her to clean up with and sip as needed. She keeps apologizing to me for throwing up in the car. I keep telling her that it's okay. That I know that she isn't doing it on purpose and that I'm sorry that I took her in the car and that I also didn't bring anything for her to throw up in. Poor baby.

We drive the remaining two minutes home, I take Bennett into the house so that I can tend to Morgan. I get her out of the car, strip out everything she's puked on, take her into the garage where she strips down and then she goes and gets in the shower. I am hosing off her car seat, the car mat, the car seat mat, her clothes, EVERYTHING. Nasty.

Just as I'm done, I go inside and am greeted by a smell that I've come to know over the past few days. Obviously, Bennett has a nasty diaper. Not only that, but it's DISGUSTING. EVERYWHERE. So, he gets a bath. Once the kids are all bathed, I put on a movie for them to watch while I feed Bennett lunch (Morgan's not eating). Bennett eats a little of his lunch, Morgan eats some toast and before I know it it's nap time. Which is what I've been waiting for all morning. I get the kids down for their naps and I lay on the couch and pray for sleep to come quick. I know I'll need my strength to handle the afternoon and evening.

I was supposed to work the Crab Feed fundraiser for the school tonight. But, in an effort to keep my husband from getting this nasty bug (we have plans to go OUT tomorrow night!), I opted out of the volunteering and decided to stay home and finish taking care of the kids for the night.

And here I sit, totally done. Done with the sick kids. Done with the puke and poop. Done with my kids and I being stuck at home sick. Done hearing them call out to me in pain. Done being the one and only to two highly needy children.