This morning, after dropping Morgan and her friend Colin off at school, I ran home to whip up a fruit salad and then headed over to my MOPS meeting. This time, instead of a craft, we had a speaker. Since the theme of MOPS this year is "Adventures in Mothering", the topic of today's discussion was "A Three Ring Circus".
The speaker did an excellent job talking about balance and what that means. She talked about how people typically fall into one of two categories - "people" people or "task" people. She talked about how you'll know the "task" people because they have all their cereals and pastas in Tupperware containers. Neatly organized. Alphabetically. And lined up properly. To "task" people, these types of activities bring them happiness. The "people" people would rather do activities with other people and their cereal and pastas are in the cabinet in the general vicinity of the grains. :) While I believe that I have a talent for organization, I'm very much a people person. I love hanging out with my family and friends.
The speaker talked about balancing your life by adding more of the things you LOVE to do to your daily life. Yeah, we all have things we don't want to do, but we have to be responsible adults. They need to get done, but does everything have to get done every day? She suggested picking three things. And making at least two of them things you LOVE to do. She said to not add anything else to your plate until the three are done. And then, when they are done? Add just one more. If you have to put that one off until tomorrow because you can't do it, that's okay, too. Also, there are things that maybe you don't LOVE to do, but that you do well. For me, that's organization. I do it well, but it's not what drives me. So, it's something that I would just naturally do.
Does it all have to be done by us (meaning us moms)? This was a point that really struck me. Because since I've been staying at home, I've been trying very hard to "do it all". To do all the things that I couldn't do because I was working. Couldn't organize my house. Couldn't even keep it clean. Couldn't spend time with my kids doing their activities. Couldn't take them to the park every day. Couldn't spend much time with my friends. Couldn't enjoy every weekend with my family because there was always something that I had to do because I couldn't get to it during the week. So, now? I'm trying to do it all. And I'm not letting anyone else help. I have taken sole responsibility for the house, the food, the activities, the financial planning and tracking, the yard, etc., etc.
The speaker pointed out that by trying to do it all ourselves, we are doing a disservice to the other people in our family. When we do it all, where does that leave everyone else? It's true that maybe the kids can't mop the floor the right way, but why not let them try if that's what they want to do? Why not let them contribute? And with our husbands, why not hand some of it over to them? What makes us think that they WANT us to do it all? Maybe they feel cut out.
This really hit home with me. My husband is wonderfully indecisive. I say wonderfully because I'm not at all indecisive. And this has worked for ME. But, maybe this isn't the best thing for us. We need to continue to live our lives as a couple, even when sometimes it's easier for me to just do it myself. Because that's not fair to him.
Here was her idea. Make a big spreadsheet of all the stuff you have to do. Each week, let every member of the family pick the things they LOVE to do. Then let every member pick the things that they do well, but maybe don't love. What you'll be left with are the things nobody wants to do. And then, do them together and make them fun.
I'm going to have a discussion with my hubby on this and see what he thinks. Because you know what, this isn't just about me. It's about my family too. And if there's a way to make everyone happier, then I'm all about that. Just wait until I spring this one on Lance. Honey! I'm going to make you soooo happy! You can do laundry again!! :)
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