Gift of Time

I'm sitting here on a beautiful, sunny day in gorgeous Northern California. The kids are all tuckered out from a sleepover last night and then a morning out at one of our favorite swimming holes in the area -- a summer tradition. We are leaving tomorrow to fly home to Florida to see my family and to drive up to Alabama for a family reunion. And I'm ready. I'm not that crazy person running around at 1AM looking for that travel toothbrush. I can sit here and do something I love, blogging, and feel good about it without stress over the trip (aside from the stresses of traveling with a tyrannical two year old). I'm looking forward to starting a new job in a few weeks. Actually, if you want to know the truth, I'm like a kid waiting for the first day of school at their beloved school. I'm able to get myself into the right frame of mind for what that holds, because of this time I have. I'm planning a fun party for my awesome husbands' 40th birthday. You see, I've been able to spend the past two months with my kids and helping at their school, and taking care of a bunch of little things that I never seem to have time for. I've been able to take the kids to all the fun places we try to squeeze in each spring and summer. What a blessing. I honestly cannot think of a better gift to give someone. The gift of time.

For some of my friends, they would probably say that my positive outlook is somewhat new, as I've spent the past 18 months going through a very lengthy and painful divestiture process at my place of employment. From one moment to the next,  my hopes and dreams rode on the fate of folks that I have never spoken to, and some that I have. I would be lied to, manipulated, counted on, dismissed, and often times having to pass along not very good news to a wonderful team. The team exploded and had to be put back together a few times. We lost key people at inopportune times. It was hard. It was hard on me. I felt like a whole different person. I wasn't able to successfully accomplish much at work given the situation. It really started to weigh on me and it was a fairly unhealthy environment for me. There were days where things were great, as I was heavily engaged with potential buyers and saw hope in them. But, it would all come crashing down, when later we discovered that, yet again, we couldn't close a deal. I remember when I started working at this company, and how it all came to be. I remember talking to my Mom about how things lined up, doors just opened at it seemed I was destined to be there at that time. God put me there for sure. I was just trying to figure out why. Was I there to be a leader when none other was present? Was I there because of where the company was going to end up? I went through 18 months of this uncertainty and without clear purpose. 

I am not going to try to tell you that I have now figured out why those doors opened for me when they did, but I can tell you that out of that dark time in my life came an ability to live a more balanced life. As I prepare for the next stop in my journey, I can't help but wonder how my balance will be in another couple of years. I just hope that God continues to bless me with time and the ability to balance life.

Here we go again

So, I've been off work for about three weeks now. Three glorious weeks. I've spent time shopping, taking day trips, hanging out with friends, playing games with my family, and it a culminated in out trip to Disneyland. The cold hard reality of my real life has started to come crashing down with volunteer commitments, and then more heavily with the return of school and work tomorrow. It has been so good to be able to disconnect and really just be a mom and a wife and a friend for a period of time. It makes me realize how valuable a large chunk of time "out of the norm" can be. My family has bonded more, I have been able to let go of some stress and just be with my kids and my husband. It makes me feel like me again and that is really priceless.

All around me, I hear everyone talking about not taking anything for granted, remembering to tell everyone that you love them and making sure you are present. I really feel like it is something everyone needs - a chunk of time to refocus on what is important. So, while I want to go back to work refreshed, I'm not. I'm going back spent. But I spent it all on the people I love most. I'd call that a success.

I got called out

The Internet people found me. And they worried about me. Wow, what a gentle nudge I needed to get back to something I love, blogging. It's become so hard to find time for myself these days. Heck, even at 8 months pregnant, it's hard for me to find the time while at work to simply go to the restroom or eat lunch. So goes the world of a working mom, especially one in a new role with a new team at work. On the weekends, we are spending time at soccer, working on the house, birthday parties and more.

Lance has been great, however, providing me with as much time as I need to put my swollen feet up and relax while he takes care of the other things at home like dinner and getting the kids to bed. When I found a photography class I wanted to take about two months ago, he really encouraged me to take it, knowing how much I would love it and how it would bring back a little piece of me.

Well, the photography class ended last week. But maybe my random poke from the Internet people is a good enough reason to continue to carve out a little bit of time for me. After all, in about a month, it's going to be all about a newborn baby boy. Might as well continue trying to carve out time for myself amidst all the chaos.

Heck, seeing as how it's the start of Lent today, it may even be a good thing to commit to. Or is that crazy?

What a difference a year makes!

Hello. Is this thing still working? Wow, can't believe it's been almost a year since my last blogging. Crazy. Well, I suppose I should catch you up (that is if anyone is still following this!).

Since last December, I moved into a new role at work, managing the program management team in the webcam group. I was thrown into the role as my former boss was made GM of another product group in our business unit. At the same time, I took over another project, managing Video Calling on Google TV, which was released last month! The project was really challenging, but also really interesting and fun and I'm really proud of the team that I managed for this project and the hard work they put in. 

Now, I'm ready to embark on my next journey at Logitech, going back to work for my original boss in the Logitech Alert team. I'm really excited about my first project with the team - a nursery monitor camera!

Which brings me to my next update....we are expecting another happy heart to join our family next year! I know, I know, there were several bloggings in the past about how our baby days were over, but life is sometimes a little unpredictable and God has plans for us that we can't foresee. Just as sure as I was that Lance would never change his mind, a last attempt at closure for me, turned things in 180 degrees! A month later, we were pregnant! Baby #3 is due April 21st, 2011 and we are thrilled!

Morgan and Bennett are both very excited to have another sibling. Morgan is hoping for another baby brother and Bennett is hoping for a baby sister (to oppose his older sister's wishes, of course). Morgan is doing great in 2nd grade this year. She has the same teacher as she did last year since they loop 1st and 2nd. She's really taken to math this year, which is exciting to see and she while she is continuing ballet and girl scouts (Brownies this year!), she is really enamored with soccer right now. She started playing midfield and scored a few goals and now she's hooked. She'll even be playing indoor soccer in a few short weeks! She's getting "too old" for a lot of things right now (Barbies, dolls, anything "babyish") and is really starting to create her own little friendships. It's very fun to watch. She's the cutest toothless little girl and while she has her good days and her bad days, I'm really proud to be her mom!

Bennett started preschool in the fall and is loving every moment of it. He's such a bright child, already way ahead of the class, knowing all his letters and how most of them sound. He's even started to put together sounds to sound out words, which is the beginning of reading. At the ripe old age of 3. Bennett is a comedian, as always, and really keeps us on our toes with his own brand of comedy. He did a session of rock climbing classes that he really enjoyed and has also taken soccer lessons. He was a natural at dribbling the ball and loves to kick the ball and run out on the field!

Lance went back to work in June for a web design firm in Berkeley. He's really enjoying the fast paced nature of the small business and is happy to be back to work. The commute can be rough, so it's nice that he is able to work from home a couple of days a week.

In the midst of changing jobs and being pregnant, we are also looking at a potential move, into a bigger, newer home. With lots of changes on the horizon, 2011 is stacking up to be really exciting!

One hour in the morning

The day starts as the alarm clock goes off. I peek through heavy eyelids and see the time is 6:30. A sleep in morning. I get up and get in the shower and then as I'm drying off, I can hear the life that has started percolating downstairs. Someone is talking a little too loudly, coffee is grinding, life is carrying on. After I'm ready, I go downstairs and greet my family as they themselves get ready for the day. Morgan is in tears for some reason and Bennett is slurping milk out of a bowl that is dangerously close to the edge of the table. I start gathering breakfast for myself, but it isn't long before I find myself needing to resolve the issue that is heating up between Lance and Morgan.

"Daddy won't let me eat breakfast", she wails as she tries to find her socks and shoes. I try to hide my amusement, at the thought that her father is actually withholding a meal from her. I give her some nudging to get her socks and shoes on, which is met with more tears and "but I don't know where they aaaaaaaarrrrrrreeeeee!" I give her some general locations to check and then go back to the kitchen to see about some coffee. Lance is in there, working on breakfast himself and I ask him why on earth he would not allow our daughter to eat breakfast (in a joking manner, of course). He informs me that, as expected, that wasn't exactly what happened. There had been some issue with the remaining cereal and her not wanting it and throwing a fit. He'd asked her to go finish getting ready for school before breakfast. After she was ready, she could eat.

About then, the timer that Lance had set for Bennett goes off, signaling it was time for him to go sit on the potty. I go over to the table and help him down and then follow him to make sure he's doing what he's supposed to do. He pulls down his pants and Big Boy Diego underwear, all the time eyeing the jar of peanut M&Ms on the counter top in the bathroom. He sits for a minute or so before I hear the "da da da DA!" jingle the potty seat makes when something crosses the sensor's plane. He smiles at me and announces "I went potty!!" I give him my most enthusiastic high five, watch while he pulls up his pants and underwear, empties the potty tray into the toilet and flushes it, "bye bye pee pee!" and then squirt him with some foaming hand cleanser. We go back to the table where he is supposed to finish up his cereal because he's going to need to sit on the potty in another 15 minutes and at that time, he's going to need to be getting dressed. Morgan has a performance at school right after drop off.

Morgan has finally located her shoes, but is still sobbing uncontrollably. Focus. Get your hair brush, put a headband in and put your sweatshirt on. After she's completely dressed, Lance has her fix the homework she'd finished the night before, but upon checking had not done correctly. This practically sends her over the top. I know Lance is trying to prove a point to her about wasting time (arguing over cereal), so we try to ignore the drama and just keep emphasizing that she can eat as soon as she is completely ready for school. You might think this would make her move faster, but it actually has the opposite affect since she's not getting what she wants and feels compelled to lament over it.

I'm stand in the kitchen and throw down a quick bowl of raisin bran, put together a thermos of coffee and a Coke Zero to take to work. Secretly, I'm praising God for the fact that we have a team lunch today and I need not worry about packing a lunch. T minus five minutes to leave for the train.

Lance needs to get dressed, Morgan needs to eat, Bennett is finishing breakfast while waiting for the timer to go off again. Everything is in motion, full chaos.

I gather my laptop and glasses, phone and charger since I failed to plug it in last night and once everything is together, I start the process of saying goodbye. Having finished his breakfast, Bennett runs over and grabs my leg and says "Kiss and Hug, Momma!". I bend down and give him a kiss and a quick squeeze. T minus NOTHING to leave for the train. Morgan starts sobbing again, "what about me??!!"She comes running to the door where I take her face in my hand and tell her to have a good day, give her a kiss and a quick squeeze and then I'm out the door.

Ice on the windshield, defroster not working fast enough. Train is coming. Friday traffic sucks. I race to the train station and make it just in time.

All of this in one short hour. And I admit, sometimes I'm breathing a sigh of relief as I walk out that door. A sigh that I'm glad it's not me that has to have the battle of getting in the car and how quickly they are moving and who has their shoes on. A breath of relief that I get to get on a train and open a book and read for 30 minutes. But other times, such as today, I feel badly for the task that my husband has at hand. Potty training, homework, lessons, tardiness. It's a lot. I know FIRST HAND that it's a lot. I wish I could stay and help. Wish I could stay and watch the performance. Such mixed feelings....glad I have a book to escape into!

Small victories

I've been working on a project at work that has made little to no progress the entire time I've been working here. There's little that's more frustrating for a program manager than something like that. The trouble goes both deep and high and I've been banging my head against the proverbial wall for what seems like an eternity. My boss has been extremely supportive of me, but there's only so much that he can do also, and he's working on it.

There's another, more interesting and high profile project that I picked up about a month or so ago and I've been able to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment through it here and there, but nothing really major.

But TODAY...today, I had a major breakthrough. We've been feuding with a partnering team for the past month and it dawned on me during a meeting yesterday that they had a lot of misconceptions about the work we were planning. I decided it would be good to have a good old fashioned meet and greet along with a demo of some existing products. My day today was spent mostly on the details of this and that and my last meeting of the day was this demo meeting. I kind of went into it with a slight sense of dread, but was practically walking on air when I left. The product owner from the other team agreed that they had not had a proper understanding of our product and those misunderstandings had caused a lot of heartache. He apologized for their team and thanked me profusely for pulling us together. He was happy to see that we were already on top of all the issues.

What a great feeling. In a world of inertia, I saw things moving in the right direction again. And it was because of me. This is why I love what I do.

May 25th? Really??

Wow. It's been over six months since I've blogged. In that six months, my life has been turned upside down. At first I got behind on blogging with the business that warm weather brings. Spring break, then summer fun like day trips and fun outings. So many pictures should have been posted. So many little anecdotes to document the memories for my children. But, alas, time was spent with the children and left little time to blog about it.

Here I am, six months later and wondering how to even delve back into this world that I loved so. The perfectionist in me wants to go back and account for each of the last 189 days. That would make it right. Complete. However, my world now is not a world of perfection. I've reentered the world of incomplete and imperfection. A world where I will never be able to do everything I want and where I spend the majority of my waking time worrying about things that are left forgotten or ways that I didn't stack up today. Welcome back to the world of a working mom.

Just to catch you up, things were tough for a while with Lance's job. He had taken a 20% pay cut right before Christmas last year. That's when he started looking for a new job. We felt extremely lucky and blessed that he found something rather quickly and was able to easily transition into a new job at a higher pay rate. How fortunate for us. Except the down side to this was that he was now working for a tyrant of a woman and the hours were brutal. He was frequently gone before the kids woke up in the mornings and not home until they were in bed. That was hard. But, the hardest part came when in July, the company suddenly decided they needed to cut back drastically (letting go of 6 people of their 25 people team) and since Lance was the newest hire, he was let go. Unexpectedly and without warning. One minute we were having a great summer trip with my family, visiting with my grandparents in Oregon and plotting our 10 year anniversary getaway upon return to the bay area and the next minute we were trying to piece our lives back together.

A month or so went by without any good options. This economy was certainly taking it's toll. The interview process was brutal on Lance. He had tons of phone screens and some in person interviews, but they never really seemed to pan out. They always wanted someone who could fill more than one role....you know, since things were tight. So many friends were in the same boat and not that many employers hiring. We were hearing that it was taking people 6 months to a year to find a job. So toward the end of July/beginning of August, I asked Lance if I should start putting the feelers out there and he agreed it would be a good idea.

I started looking around and saw a packaging project management position at Logitech. It was a super simple job that I could do in my sleep. Perfect, I thought. I remembered that I knew people at Logitech and so I emailed my friend and former coworker, Stan, to let him know I was applying for this position. He emailed me back and said he would be glad to recommend me for that position. I didn't think much of it and continued my half-hearted search. About a week later, I got a message from Stan telling me not to get my hopes up, but that a new position had just become available and he thought, based on my resume, I'd be a good fit for. He told me he'd submitted me for that position. He told me a little bit about the position - it was a position managing software programs from a group that was a recently acquired company. They needed someone to help bring them into the fold of the existing Logitech processes. Given my background with program management, software, and process implementation, it was obvious to me also that this position was perfectly suited for me. Was it that easy job managing the packaging of the product? Nope. Would it be challenging? Yes. But, when have I ever been someone to shy away from a challenge?

Things progressed from there. I had a quick phone screen and then was brought in for a round of in-person interviews. I prepped the night before like it was a final exam. I ran through scenarios with Lance and tried to revive this business brain of mine after a year and a half at home. The interviews went really well. I met with five people and felt like I hit it off with all of them but one. Now I had to wait to hear back for who they were calling back for second rounds. It took about a week or so. Just long enough for my confidence to start plummeting. I had gotten one of those silly emails forwarded to me. You know the ones. Forward this to 11 friends and you will hear news you've been waiting to hear at a certain time. The timing was about right for the news I was expecting, so I went ahead and did it. Right on cue, my phone rang with news that I was being called back for a second round. Time to cram for my next final! The day came and I met with three high level people plus my potential boss. I thought it went well, again. I asked my potential boss what the next steps would be. He told me that if I was selected, he would be contacting me, probably in a week. I asked about what would happen if I wasn't selected and he told me that I would probably still be contacted, but by HR. Now it was time to wait. Luckily this time it was a little less painful, as they had narrowed it down to me and one other person. Within a week, the offer came in.

I remember being completely shocked because the call came from HR. I knew when I heard the recruiters voice that I was passed over. Imagine my surprise when said, "Logitech would like to extend an offer to you". Wow! She gave me the details and it was good. Really good. It was the kind of good that makes up your mind for you. Great company, great benefits, excellent pay, a signing bonus, all that. Meanwhile, in a city far away (but not that far away), Lance was back for a second meeting with a company who had asked HIM to make THEM an offer. What would it take to get him to work there. This was a somewhat promising start up company of ten people. TEN. Obviously, not as stable as a 7,000 employee company such as Logitech. So, when I called Lance with the details of the offer, we both agreed that there was no way I could turn this down. I did the requisite counter offer, which was politely denied, and then accepted the terms as they were and set a start date for a little over two weeks away.

I spent the next two weeks figuring out how this was going to work. Lance and I agreed that he would, at least for a while, give it a go at being a stay at home dad. One less thing for me to worry about as I ventured back into the work force. For those two weeks, I savored every hug and kiss. Every moment I got to spend with my kids, tucking them in for naps or bed, reading them stories and playing with them. We finished up our summer outings and then Morgan started first grade. I took advantage of my newly limited time at home and spent as much time as I could at the school and helping in the class. First grade is so different, but I only had a week to absorb that before it was time for my "first day of school".

I started my new job on September 8th. I will go into the job a little more in future posts, but to sum it up: it is the perfect job for me, as it is really challenging. I am really enjoying some of the people I work with and really NOT enjoying some others. I miss my husband (we had A LOT of togetherness during our forced family summer break) . I miss my kids. I miss my friends. I miss the life that I had longed for for so long and had so briefly.

My current mantra? There is a season for everything.