Remembering my former self

I agreed to meet two of my former coworkers for lunch this afternoon. Not too long ago, it wasn't all that uncommon for us to get together for all you can eat Indian or that awesome little Thai place in Mountain View. But nowadays, going out for a real meal for lunch is practically unheard of and I rarely go with anyone outside of my mommy/children/parenting circle. Even if I have known them before children, they now have children to, so our frame of reference has changed as well. But these people that I had lunch with today, there is no other context for them other than my previous job. One of them is the proud father of two older kids and the other is a self proclaimed non-baby-lover step mother of adult children. So, it's not as if they don't have kids at all. But, they aren't in the throws of toddlerhood or Kindergarten. They aren't eating and sleeping and breathing the same things I am these days.

Before, in my former life, we'd talk about things like budgets, off site meetings, schedules and the random office gossip. We'd laugh over the idiotic thing that happened in that meeting earlier or we'd vent to each other about the inefficiencies of being purchased by a large machine-type corporation. Now, we all work in different spots. Each of them having gone on to a different job after I left work to stay at home. I'm further out of the office political loop than I ever have been and we were forced to connect in different ways. At first, I was a little hesitant about the lunch, not knowing what we would talk about, but it was really good to catch up with former coworkers and to also see new sides of them. We reinvented ourselves and in turn, reinvented our relationships with each other.

During the meeting, one of my former coworkers (who now works for Apple), kept checking his iPhone. It was like he had one foot out the door the whole time. And I sooo remember being like that. There was always something going on. An email that had to be answered. A time-sensitive decision to be made or a signature to get. A meeting to not be late for. And now? My time is mostly my own. It's only as crazy as I make it, so there's no one else to blame. But you know what, I'm completely present. At lunch today, I was completely present both mentally and emotionally. It made me realize how much happier my kids must be now that they don't have to share me with a meeting, or a budget, or a schedule, or a decision. They have me. All of me. All the time. And I don't have to worry about how poorly I'm doing in one area or the other due to having to split my time. If I'm doing poorly, it's just in the one area. :) That's a lot less guilt to carry.

Me and my kids, we're both very lucky.