One hour in the morning

The day starts as the alarm clock goes off. I peek through heavy eyelids and see the time is 6:30. A sleep in morning. I get up and get in the shower and then as I'm drying off, I can hear the life that has started percolating downstairs. Someone is talking a little too loudly, coffee is grinding, life is carrying on. After I'm ready, I go downstairs and greet my family as they themselves get ready for the day. Morgan is in tears for some reason and Bennett is slurping milk out of a bowl that is dangerously close to the edge of the table. I start gathering breakfast for myself, but it isn't long before I find myself needing to resolve the issue that is heating up between Lance and Morgan.

"Daddy won't let me eat breakfast", she wails as she tries to find her socks and shoes. I try to hide my amusement, at the thought that her father is actually withholding a meal from her. I give her some nudging to get her socks and shoes on, which is met with more tears and "but I don't know where they aaaaaaaarrrrrrreeeeee!" I give her some general locations to check and then go back to the kitchen to see about some coffee. Lance is in there, working on breakfast himself and I ask him why on earth he would not allow our daughter to eat breakfast (in a joking manner, of course). He informs me that, as expected, that wasn't exactly what happened. There had been some issue with the remaining cereal and her not wanting it and throwing a fit. He'd asked her to go finish getting ready for school before breakfast. After she was ready, she could eat.

About then, the timer that Lance had set for Bennett goes off, signaling it was time for him to go sit on the potty. I go over to the table and help him down and then follow him to make sure he's doing what he's supposed to do. He pulls down his pants and Big Boy Diego underwear, all the time eyeing the jar of peanut M&Ms on the counter top in the bathroom. He sits for a minute or so before I hear the "da da da DA!" jingle the potty seat makes when something crosses the sensor's plane. He smiles at me and announces "I went potty!!" I give him my most enthusiastic high five, watch while he pulls up his pants and underwear, empties the potty tray into the toilet and flushes it, "bye bye pee pee!" and then squirt him with some foaming hand cleanser. We go back to the table where he is supposed to finish up his cereal because he's going to need to sit on the potty in another 15 minutes and at that time, he's going to need to be getting dressed. Morgan has a performance at school right after drop off.

Morgan has finally located her shoes, but is still sobbing uncontrollably. Focus. Get your hair brush, put a headband in and put your sweatshirt on. After she's completely dressed, Lance has her fix the homework she'd finished the night before, but upon checking had not done correctly. This practically sends her over the top. I know Lance is trying to prove a point to her about wasting time (arguing over cereal), so we try to ignore the drama and just keep emphasizing that she can eat as soon as she is completely ready for school. You might think this would make her move faster, but it actually has the opposite affect since she's not getting what she wants and feels compelled to lament over it.

I'm stand in the kitchen and throw down a quick bowl of raisin bran, put together a thermos of coffee and a Coke Zero to take to work. Secretly, I'm praising God for the fact that we have a team lunch today and I need not worry about packing a lunch. T minus five minutes to leave for the train.

Lance needs to get dressed, Morgan needs to eat, Bennett is finishing breakfast while waiting for the timer to go off again. Everything is in motion, full chaos.

I gather my laptop and glasses, phone and charger since I failed to plug it in last night and once everything is together, I start the process of saying goodbye. Having finished his breakfast, Bennett runs over and grabs my leg and says "Kiss and Hug, Momma!". I bend down and give him a kiss and a quick squeeze. T minus NOTHING to leave for the train. Morgan starts sobbing again, "what about me??!!"She comes running to the door where I take her face in my hand and tell her to have a good day, give her a kiss and a quick squeeze and then I'm out the door.

Ice on the windshield, defroster not working fast enough. Train is coming. Friday traffic sucks. I race to the train station and make it just in time.

All of this in one short hour. And I admit, sometimes I'm breathing a sigh of relief as I walk out that door. A sigh that I'm glad it's not me that has to have the battle of getting in the car and how quickly they are moving and who has their shoes on. A breath of relief that I get to get on a train and open a book and read for 30 minutes. But other times, such as today, I feel badly for the task that my husband has at hand. Potty training, homework, lessons, tardiness. It's a lot. I know FIRST HAND that it's a lot. I wish I could stay and help. Wish I could stay and watch the performance. Such mixed feelings....glad I have a book to escape into!

Small victories

I've been working on a project at work that has made little to no progress the entire time I've been working here. There's little that's more frustrating for a program manager than something like that. The trouble goes both deep and high and I've been banging my head against the proverbial wall for what seems like an eternity. My boss has been extremely supportive of me, but there's only so much that he can do also, and he's working on it.

There's another, more interesting and high profile project that I picked up about a month or so ago and I've been able to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment through it here and there, but nothing really major.

But TODAY...today, I had a major breakthrough. We've been feuding with a partnering team for the past month and it dawned on me during a meeting yesterday that they had a lot of misconceptions about the work we were planning. I decided it would be good to have a good old fashioned meet and greet along with a demo of some existing products. My day today was spent mostly on the details of this and that and my last meeting of the day was this demo meeting. I kind of went into it with a slight sense of dread, but was practically walking on air when I left. The product owner from the other team agreed that they had not had a proper understanding of our product and those misunderstandings had caused a lot of heartache. He apologized for their team and thanked me profusely for pulling us together. He was happy to see that we were already on top of all the issues.

What a great feeling. In a world of inertia, I saw things moving in the right direction again. And it was because of me. This is why I love what I do.

A fresh perspective on the season

Two years ago, I was plotting my escape from the corporate world. I had short timers syndrome and I was eagerly looking forward to a day when I would only have myself to answer to. One year ago, I was completely immersed in all things Christmas. I was baking and decorating, writing Christmas cards, and wrapping presents. Last year, I had it all done by early December and enjoyed the season, rather than rushing through it as I'd done every previous year.

This time of year is stacked full of shopping and decorating. Get togethers and obligations. Travel, logistics, planning, shipping, baking, dinners and planning. As a parent, you want to really make things sparkle, remembering the magic of Christmas as a child. You need to make sure everyone has the best Christmas ever. That's a lot of pressure.

This year, I'm trying to find the happy medium. The balance of being able to really enjoy the season without feeling a slave to it. I want to retain some of that ability I had last year to enjoy it. Since I'm working and don't have the luxury of being at home this year, I've made an agreement with myself.

Self: You will not put unattainable expectations upon yourself. You will do the things that bring you joy and take a pass on the ones that you do because you feel like you have to or someone else needs you to. You know what? You may not be able to get the perfect picture for the holiday card. No one will notice but you. You cannot do it all. Delegate tasks to others so that you don't overly burden yourself with the weight off all things Christmas. Most importantly, you will cherish the moments you have with your family. They are so precious and really, nothing else matters...

On Sunday, we had such fun as a family decorating the tree. Lance is not as "into the holiday spirit" as I am, but I caught him humming along to Jingle Bell Rock. Morgan told me that her favorite thing about this time of year was the smell of the fresh tree in our house (yes, my heart melted to hear such a thing out of the mouth of my babe!). I will forever remember this Christmas as the one where Bennett could really help decorate the tree. Well, specifically, two branches since those are the only ones he felt obligated to decorate. I'm glad I was able to stop, step back and take it all in. That's what it's about. Not some silly fake pet hamster that only the first 100 people in line at Toys R Us can get. :)

May 25th? Really??

Wow. It's been over six months since I've blogged. In that six months, my life has been turned upside down. At first I got behind on blogging with the business that warm weather brings. Spring break, then summer fun like day trips and fun outings. So many pictures should have been posted. So many little anecdotes to document the memories for my children. But, alas, time was spent with the children and left little time to blog about it.

Here I am, six months later and wondering how to even delve back into this world that I loved so. The perfectionist in me wants to go back and account for each of the last 189 days. That would make it right. Complete. However, my world now is not a world of perfection. I've reentered the world of incomplete and imperfection. A world where I will never be able to do everything I want and where I spend the majority of my waking time worrying about things that are left forgotten or ways that I didn't stack up today. Welcome back to the world of a working mom.

Just to catch you up, things were tough for a while with Lance's job. He had taken a 20% pay cut right before Christmas last year. That's when he started looking for a new job. We felt extremely lucky and blessed that he found something rather quickly and was able to easily transition into a new job at a higher pay rate. How fortunate for us. Except the down side to this was that he was now working for a tyrant of a woman and the hours were brutal. He was frequently gone before the kids woke up in the mornings and not home until they were in bed. That was hard. But, the hardest part came when in July, the company suddenly decided they needed to cut back drastically (letting go of 6 people of their 25 people team) and since Lance was the newest hire, he was let go. Unexpectedly and without warning. One minute we were having a great summer trip with my family, visiting with my grandparents in Oregon and plotting our 10 year anniversary getaway upon return to the bay area and the next minute we were trying to piece our lives back together.

A month or so went by without any good options. This economy was certainly taking it's toll. The interview process was brutal on Lance. He had tons of phone screens and some in person interviews, but they never really seemed to pan out. They always wanted someone who could fill more than one role....you know, since things were tight. So many friends were in the same boat and not that many employers hiring. We were hearing that it was taking people 6 months to a year to find a job. So toward the end of July/beginning of August, I asked Lance if I should start putting the feelers out there and he agreed it would be a good idea.

I started looking around and saw a packaging project management position at Logitech. It was a super simple job that I could do in my sleep. Perfect, I thought. I remembered that I knew people at Logitech and so I emailed my friend and former coworker, Stan, to let him know I was applying for this position. He emailed me back and said he would be glad to recommend me for that position. I didn't think much of it and continued my half-hearted search. About a week later, I got a message from Stan telling me not to get my hopes up, but that a new position had just become available and he thought, based on my resume, I'd be a good fit for. He told me he'd submitted me for that position. He told me a little bit about the position - it was a position managing software programs from a group that was a recently acquired company. They needed someone to help bring them into the fold of the existing Logitech processes. Given my background with program management, software, and process implementation, it was obvious to me also that this position was perfectly suited for me. Was it that easy job managing the packaging of the product? Nope. Would it be challenging? Yes. But, when have I ever been someone to shy away from a challenge?

Things progressed from there. I had a quick phone screen and then was brought in for a round of in-person interviews. I prepped the night before like it was a final exam. I ran through scenarios with Lance and tried to revive this business brain of mine after a year and a half at home. The interviews went really well. I met with five people and felt like I hit it off with all of them but one. Now I had to wait to hear back for who they were calling back for second rounds. It took about a week or so. Just long enough for my confidence to start plummeting. I had gotten one of those silly emails forwarded to me. You know the ones. Forward this to 11 friends and you will hear news you've been waiting to hear at a certain time. The timing was about right for the news I was expecting, so I went ahead and did it. Right on cue, my phone rang with news that I was being called back for a second round. Time to cram for my next final! The day came and I met with three high level people plus my potential boss. I thought it went well, again. I asked my potential boss what the next steps would be. He told me that if I was selected, he would be contacting me, probably in a week. I asked about what would happen if I wasn't selected and he told me that I would probably still be contacted, but by HR. Now it was time to wait. Luckily this time it was a little less painful, as they had narrowed it down to me and one other person. Within a week, the offer came in.

I remember being completely shocked because the call came from HR. I knew when I heard the recruiters voice that I was passed over. Imagine my surprise when said, "Logitech would like to extend an offer to you". Wow! She gave me the details and it was good. Really good. It was the kind of good that makes up your mind for you. Great company, great benefits, excellent pay, a signing bonus, all that. Meanwhile, in a city far away (but not that far away), Lance was back for a second meeting with a company who had asked HIM to make THEM an offer. What would it take to get him to work there. This was a somewhat promising start up company of ten people. TEN. Obviously, not as stable as a 7,000 employee company such as Logitech. So, when I called Lance with the details of the offer, we both agreed that there was no way I could turn this down. I did the requisite counter offer, which was politely denied, and then accepted the terms as they were and set a start date for a little over two weeks away.

I spent the next two weeks figuring out how this was going to work. Lance and I agreed that he would, at least for a while, give it a go at being a stay at home dad. One less thing for me to worry about as I ventured back into the work force. For those two weeks, I savored every hug and kiss. Every moment I got to spend with my kids, tucking them in for naps or bed, reading them stories and playing with them. We finished up our summer outings and then Morgan started first grade. I took advantage of my newly limited time at home and spent as much time as I could at the school and helping in the class. First grade is so different, but I only had a week to absorb that before it was time for my "first day of school".

I started my new job on September 8th. I will go into the job a little more in future posts, but to sum it up: it is the perfect job for me, as it is really challenging. I am really enjoying some of the people I work with and really NOT enjoying some others. I miss my husband (we had A LOT of togetherness during our forced family summer break) . I miss my kids. I miss my friends. I miss the life that I had longed for for so long and had so briefly.

My current mantra? There is a season for everything.

Another favorite summertime treat

In addition to the return of the summer farmers market, another thing I've been looking forward to all winter was the opening of the farms for U-pick fruit in the nearby city of Brentwood. Last summer we went and picked cherries and pluots and blackberries. We had so much fun and I have really been looking forward to doing it this year, since Bennett is big enough to do more than watch from the stroller. We made it a big family trip, waiting to do it on Memorial Day when the dads would be home. We went with my friend Melissa W and her family and we all had a great time. The fruit wasn't as ripe as we had hoped it would be, but we came home with plenty! Lance even had enough for a pie!

After picking fruit, we had hoped to go to a place called Scoops, where you can play and eat, but it was closed. So, we made the best of it and headed over to Chili's for lunch. The guys hung out at one end of the table chatting and watching Bennett while Melissa and I hung out at the other end talking and taking care of Morgan, Collin and Brandon. It was a nice way to end the outing. Here are some pictures from our fun day!

Soft baby skin and sweet baby sounds

The newest member of the Sand Crabs playgroup has super soft skin and makes the sweetest baby sounds. I got to meet him today and got my fill of that smell and the way it feels to hold a newborn. Ahhhh. So sweet!

I'm still in the process of dealing with Bennett being our last baby, so I was more than happy to handle a diaper change and feeding this new little guy while I was there. It was great to see Melissa, who looks WONDERFUL. It was great to share the experience of having a newborn son with another friend. Talking about second sibling stuff and basically, just having one more thing in common. I didn't cry much, just one time when we were talking about how very much Melissa wanted to have this little guy. And here he is. It's just amazing. Babies are truly miracles and blessings. Each and every one of them.

Grilled pizza

I'm known to sometimes get a wild hair and decide to do something a little crazy. Or big. Or crazy and big. Today's adventure was brought to you by one of these stray hairs.

I ran across a cookbook Lance and I had been given during our first year of marriage. It's a cookbook for making pizzas. Dough from scratch. Sauce from scratch. The real deal. I decided that was what we were going to do. Only that's not crazy or BIG enough, so we're going to GRILL the pizza instead of baking it. :)




I set to work, making the dough and letting it rise, punching it out and then forming the crust. We had read up on how to grill the pizza and one site recommended that you grill the crust before adding the toppings and then grill until the toppings melt. We did this and it turned out okay, but would have been better if we would have grilled just one side of the crust and the flipped it, put the toppings on and then grilled it until the toppings melted.

We made two pizzas...one was for Lance and myself and was a pesto sauce with goat cheese, olives and roasted red peppers for the toppings. The other was a simple tomato sauce with cheese for the kids. I loved the taste of both pizzas, but Lance said that he didn't like the tomato sauce since it was just blended tomatoes, rather than using canned tomato sauce. He said it wasn't saucy enough. Next time, I'll just make it easier on myself and use canned tomato sauce. :)

The kids had fun putting the toppings on their pizza. They thought it was super cool that we were grilling it and enjoyed eating it nearly as much! It was a fun experiment, one that we are looking forward to trying again soon!

A good way to end the week

After the terrible days I've been having with my strong-willed two year old, I up and decided it was the perfect time to go on a date with my husband. I called up my niece and got her to come babysit and made sure Lance would be home from work in plenty of time. I got showered and prettied up and then we went to dinner at Demetri's, where I had one too many glasses of wine for dinner! :) After that, we took in a movie at the local movie theater, seeing Angels and Demons. The movie was long and slow, but it was good to be away together. It gave us something to talk about since the movie was not nearly as good as it should have been, both of us having read the book. Plus, walking around downtown is fun!

It always makes me feel better to go out on the town with my hubby. It makes me remember why we are together and that we have connections that go beyond just raising a family. It's like a momentary slide back into life before kids. You can almost taste the carefree nature you had back then!

A great day!

Today, my friend Melissa A had a brand new baby boy. She was scheduled for a C section and so we knew approximately when he'd be making his debut. We were all glued to Facebook, waiting for the first word of his arrival, all eagerly anticipating the details. The big question was what his name would be since it kept secret until he was here. Other than that, who would he look like and how big would he be? Her husband, Marshall, kept us updated from his blackberry up until the time they went in for surgery. Those had to have been the longest minutes of the day! Finally, Drake Marshall arrived. He looks so much like her, with his little chin, mouth and nose. It's no mistaking who he belongs to!

Pretty soon the excitement died down a bit and I started to think about my friend and her new family member in the hospital. I got all teary-eyed remember back to the times I had spent getting to know my newborn child. With Morgan, there was so much emotion over her being a girl and the date and time that she was born. There was an instant connection. With Bennett, not knowing what to do with a boy, and also being concerned over my other child who was not with me, the connection didn't come quite as instantaneously. But by the time we had made it through the first night, my boy and I were connected very strongly. The memories I have of Lance and I getting to know each of our children for the first time will be forever sketched in my memory and I will always look back on them fondly.

Now my friends are doing the same. I'm so excited for them! Can't wait to meet Drake!

Return of a summertime favorite

One of the things I love most about this city I live in is the sense of community and small town feel. Nothing exemplifies that more than the annual farmers market. It's one of my favorite things about summer...leisurely strolls to the market (I live less than a mile away), then wandering from booth to booth, checking out everyone's fresh produce, honey, nuts and even cheese and meat. I almost always run into people I know, all of us enjoying the weather and the gorgeous fruit. This happens once a week, every week, all summer long. Even better, the third Thursday of the month is Thirsty Thursday, and a lot of the wineries show up for tastings and they usually have a band. You will see lots of families there - the parents sitting on a blanket in the grass watching their little ones bust out some dance moves and devour obscenely large and juicy strawberries.

Today was the first farmers market of the season. I could hardly contain my excitement as I loaded Bennett up in the stroller and we headed over to see what was in store for us this year. They never disappoint, either! We got our usual huge box-o-strawberries as well as some peaches and nectarines. Mmmmmm.

Thinking of my friend Robyn

I had been warned about how mischievous and active little boys can be almost the very instant the ultrasound technician pointed out Bennett's little boy parts on the day we found out we were to have a son. I've experienced some of that, particularly the active part throughout Bennett's short little life thus far. Even in my womb, he was constantly kicking me. Now, it's while he's riding in the shopping cart and he's hitting my womb from the outside. I've seen some mischief from him from time to time. It started early with him crawling over to the TV, pulling himself up and pressing all the buttons. Or pulling CD's out of the CD rack or books off of the bookshelf. It seems as if while he's growing, he's also inventing new and unique ways to cause problems. What a talent! :)

Today, I was really thinking about my friend Robyn from high school. She has THREE little boys. Now, they are all as cute as can be, which is a good thing since she has THREE of them! :) I just can't imagine how she does it, though! I mean seriously, one is enough for me! Here are the things JUST TODAY that my son has gotten into.

First thing this morning, he ran straight out of the garage door and into the street. Yes, seriously. Luckily there were no cars whizzing by, but my heart just about leapt out of my chest!

Next up was a glass lamp in his room. I was in the kitchen preparing lunches to take to the park and suddenly I hear this CRASH!! I run in to see he has wedged himself behind a small bookshelf/table that is next to the rocking chair in his room. The glass lamp sitting on the table was the only casualty, thank goodness!

We had a great time at playgroup and then came home and had naps. After naptime, I let the kids play in the yard. When I had to go in to cook dinner, he proceeded to dig up one of the pavers from our back patio.

He was continuously taking his shoes off while outside, so I made him come inside and he threw a complete fit, so I asked him to go into his room to calm himself down. BIG MISTAKE. I came back a few minutes later to find him trying to cram a whole box worth of baby wipes into the diaper pail. Why, you might ask? Well, because he had apparently gotten a hold of the baby lotion and gotten it all over him and then tried to clean it up with a baby wipe or 500.

At this point, I called it a day, strapped him into his high chair and finished cooking dinner to the sounds of him screaming his lungs out. What a rough day.

And I only have one!

Lots of props going out to moms of boys. Especially more than one!! :)

One foot in front of the other....

You ever have a day when you just feel "blah"? I've been having a lot of those lately, but today was the worst yet. I'm tired and hot and crampy (no, spell checker, I didn't mean CRAPPY, I meant CRAMPY and if you were written by a woman, you would understand!) and I just really found it hard to get out of bed, much less go about my day and my responsibilities. But, seeing as how Morgan doesn't yet have her driver's license, I had to get up and drive her to school. And since I was driving her to school, I figured I may as well swing by the gym. At least that way I can be assured of a shower. And since I'm going to be showered, I may as well make that trip to Target I've been meaning to make. Then we've got that park play date in the afternoon, so I'll need to come home and pack lunches for that. THEN...then I'll be able to rest again.

And believe it or not, when I finished my class at the gym I felt a little better. When I got the stuff I needed (and some that I didn't!) at Target, I felt even better. Heck, by the time I picked Morgan up from school, I was nearly back to okay. Then I was able to come home and take a nap after our play date and that was just heavenly.

One foot in front of the other. Some days, that's the only way to do it.

The "take out" era

I distinctly remember a time period with Morgan where we just decided that it wasn't worth it to go out to eat with her. She was so obnoxious and loud and unruly at the table that we figured, why pay good money to deal with this in public? I remember that we even had friends who laughed when they told us, "yeah, we just don't eat out anymore". So, we pretty much cut it out for a little while. We let her mature and practiced good table manners with her at home and then we were finally able to take her out to eat with us again.

With Bennett, it's been a little different. As he's grown into his two-ness, we rarely eat out. When I quit my job that meant cutting back and one of our biggest wasteful spending categories was eating out. I mean, we do on occasion, but it's so rarely that we haven't had any major problems with him at restaurants.

Until tonight.

I knew it was going to happen, too. He's really into screaming these days and he was playing with his fork, flinging it all around in the air. I had asked him to stop a couple of times and I knew what I had to do. I was going to have to take the fork away from him. Before I did it, I knew he would start screaming and that I'd be forced to remove him, physically, from the restaurant.

Oh the spectacle we made! Because, you see, only moments before, Lance had inadvertently pulled the top off of the balsamic vinegar on the table, spilling it all over the table and splattering all over my white blouse. So there's me with vinegar all over my shirt, carrying this kicking and screaming toddler out of the restaurant. You should have seen the looks of compassion I got. People would look at Bennett as he was screaming "ME GO BACK!!" and then look at me with the vinegar and smile and nod this knowing look like, "been there, done that!" Except it wasn't quite what they thought!

I think we're going to save our money and just go out on occasion to restaurants where it's easier to hide a restless toddler. You know, places like Sweet Tomatoes or Baja Fresh. :) It's just that season of life for us. This too shall pass! Someday I may even look back fondly on what I'll call the "take-out" era.

Old fashioned fun!

Remember the pictures of us as kids? All of us shoved into a baby pool in the back of someone's yard. We'd be diapered (maybe), or wearing goofy grins as we showed off our bathing suits. Inevitably, you'd also see the picture of the parents, lounging about in their lawn chairs (remember the metal ones with the criss-crossed plastic fabric??), maybe with a beer in hand, or at the very least, just kicked back and enjoying life. It seems like those were easier times. Times where you just hung out with friends while the kids played. Now, it's possible that I'm remembering them fondly just because I wasn't the parent "on duty" back then. But today, I got a chance to experience that same kind of good old fashioned fun.




Today we went to a birthday party for Bennett's playgroup pal, Taylor. There wasn't a ton of fuss and overscheduled activities. It was a kickback, relaxed good time! She had a couple of baby pools in the back yard, a slide for the kids to play on and some finger painting set up. Not to mention a spread of food set out, so you could eat at your leisure. She had plenty of lawn chairs (NOT the metal kind, but he nice kind we can appreciate now!) and so I was able to chill out and socialize with the other adults at the party while Bennett hung out in the baby pool. He had a good time, so did I!

Of course, in true Bennett fashion, he really spent the majority of the party eating. Because that's one of his signature moves. He really enjoyed the watermelon!


Thanks for the good time Cindy. I loved the relaxing old fashioned fun! It was perfect, right down to the homemade Mickey Mouse birthday cake! Happy second birthday to the beautiful and sweet Taylor!

Yet another rite of passage

I suppose it was only a matter of time. As we grew out of the "T", or toddler, section of the stores and had to quit shopping at BABY Gap, it really was only a matter of time before I have to face the fact that my daughter is growing up. And there are clothes out there that she will want to wear that I may not be comfortable with my baby wearing. You know, like knee length skirts and anything remotely "grown up". So, imagine my surprise when I saw my options for bathing suits for my daughter who has apparently been fertilized sometime this year since the bathing suits that were too big for her at the end of the summer last September are now way too small. It only took a simultaneous wedgie and straps digging into her shoulders for me to get the picture that she needed some new suits.

I met a friend at Old Navy and we started looking. It took me a minute to realize that she was no longer in the same toddler area and so I wheeled around to see the bathing suits in her size. Oh my. A WHOLE WALL of bikinis and tankinis. I had a somewhat carnal reaction, I must admit. I'm not sure why. She's never had a two piece bathing suit. As a baby and toddler, when it wouldn't have seemed quite as risque to me, I just didn't find it practical. Now she's older and the majority of the suits are two pieces. I nearly fell over, trying to picture my girl in a two piece. She's still a little girl! Can't I please just stuff her into something with a ruffle on the bottom?


Nevertheless, I overcame my fear and found the most child-like and homeliest tankini in the bunch. I bought it and here it is on my girl. And I have to admit, it's pretty cute. Too bad when she swims, the bottoms sort of fall off. Can't count the number of times she mooned me as her little bottom came bursting out of the water on this particular day. Guess we need to fertilize her a little more so they fit a little better. :)

Trains

I'm not sure what the fascination with trains is all about. Not sure if it's a boy thing or just a this kid versus that kid thing. Morgan was never as into them as Bennett is. I mean, this boy if he even THINKS about a train, he starts choo-choo'ing and runs to get his Thomas toys out. So, imagine my delight when my MOPS group announced a kids outing to ride a REAL. LIVE. TRAIN. Oh, my goodness. The glee could hardly be contained, because this was a big first for Bennett and I just couldn't wait to see him experience it.

This morning, when I reminded him that we were going on the train ride today, he ran to get his Thomas toys and started playing with them immediately. He wanted to bring them with him, so we packed them away in his backpack to share with his friends. Rosie for Clare, Arthur for Kylee and some other train for Bennett (can't remember his name, again - not sure about the big deal about trains, so cut me some slack!). We packed up snacks and headed to Sunol to ride the Niles Canyon Railway.

Now, being the boy that he is, if asked, he will tell you that his favorite part was eating yogurt on the train. Because isn't that the holy grail??

Nevertheless - a great time was had by all and here are some pictures to prove it! :)

A lesson from a little silver box

Today was our last MOPS meeting of the semester. I've come to really look forward to this twice-a-month gathering with other moms, where for two precious hours, we get to be adults. We have a hot breakfast together, without children clamoring for our attention. We get to converse without being interrupted. We get to hear wonderful speakers on everything from nutrition to ways to improve our marriage and family life. Sometimes we even get to make a cute craft like a necklace with a picture of our children, or chocolate dipped pretzels! Regardless, it's nice to have those couple of hours there, smack dab in the middle of the week to relax and enjoy being with other moms.

Today, we not only had a speaker who talked about how important it is to take trips with our family, trips with our husband and trips with our girl friends (who doesn't want to hear that?), but we ended with a little silver box. We each had one with our name on it and there were little slips of paper at each table for us to use to write 2-3 things about each person and then put it in their box. There was a sheet with some examples on it in case you got stuck, but I found that it wasn't hard at all to write 2-3 nice things about each one of the my MOPS mom friends. Once we were done, we tied the ribbons up and went off to pick up our children from their program.

So, I had no idea what was in my box until I got home from picking Morgan up from school. She immediately noticed the little shiny box and was very curious about what was in it. I explained to her what we had done at MOPS. I told her that I didn't know yet what my friends had written about me. The look on her face said more than any words could. She looked at me expectantly. Hopefully. I could tell that she wanted me to open the box.

So, I sat on the step with a kid at each of my sides and untied the ribbon. I pulled out the papers, one by one.

Beautiful
Loving
Fun
Loving

"Mom, that's TWO Lovings!!"

Organized
Thoughtful
Loving

"ANOTHER Loving!"

Godly example
Captivating
Caring
Wonderful
Funny
Godly example

"Someone else said that too!"

Encouraging
Relate-able
Sweet

As I pulled the last one out of the box, I looked at Morgan and she had the biggest grin on her face. And that's when it hit me. She was proud of me. She was seeing what other people said about me and it made her proud. What a heartwarming moment. And also a lesson for me, in that our children are equally as proud of us as we are of them. What more reason do we need than that to try to be our best person? She hugged me and said, "Three people said you were loving!!". I asked her if she agreed with what my friends thought of me and she nodded her head quickly and said, "yes, I do," then gave me another hug.

Then Morgan suggested that we make boxes for everyone in our family. So we can do the same. And you know what, I think we will!

Ode to my camera

How I love thee
For capturing life's moments
Just as they are
Without losing patience.
















How I love thee
For not a lot of fuss and worry
I can simply put it on A
And take pictures in a hurry.
















Oh, how I love thee
A stare, captured
A feeling, forever
Joy and laughter.

A gift to myself

When Lance and I figured out that we were getting a sizable rebate from our taxes, we decided to set aside a portion of it for a new camera for me and a TV for him. I started scouring the Internet for specifications, prices and deals. My dad gave me some advice and I finally settled on the Nikon D60 for my new camera.

I've been wanting to dabble more in photography for at least 8 years. Well, today my dabbling started! I have my new gift to myself in my hot little hands and I'm having a blast. Here are a few of my favorites from today.






Of course, with subject matter like this, it's hard to take a bad picture. ;-)

Can't wait to have some alone time to play with it more!

The fairest of them all

Bennett has really gotten into dressing up. How fun! Not just for him, but also for his sister. It's like a real live doll to play with. This one even responds and follows you around the house. Only it also poops and burps. So lifelike!

What's childhood without some good blackmail material anyway? ;-)

The thought is what counts!

My wish for today was nothing more than to be able to lounge around in bed all day. Here's what I had imagined.

Sleeping in.
Breakfast in bed.
Snuggling with children.
Sending children away to commence hours upon ours of alternating between blogging, reading and watching trash TV.
Staying in my pajamas all day.
Seeing sweet faces give me cards.
Not having to lift a single finger to do a single thing.
Facebooking in bed.
Not having to plan, cook or clean up any meals.
Did I mention the staying in bed all day part?



Here's what I got:
Slept in a little
Breakfast in bed.
Snuggles with children.
Sent children away and commenced short bursts of blogging, reading, and watching TV.
Stayed in my pajamas most of the day.
Sweet faces gave me cards.
Ended up helping with kids because they were a real handful.
Facebooking in bed.
Didn't plan, cook, or clean up any meals.
Didn't stay in bed all day....it's too stressful to hear your husband losing his patience with children acting like banshees.
Oh, and I got some lovely flowers on Friday!

Happy Mothers Day!

If you don't have anything nice to say...

....then show pictures and videos of your amazing kids! :)

We went to see Lance's mother today. We haven't seen her since Bennett was a couple months old. We drove the two and a half hour drive with the kids plugged into a movie. Well, okay, just Morgan plugged in since Bennett kept taking his headphones off and unplugging his DVD player. It was nice to see her, but it was also a farewell since she's moving away to Washington. It's always a little strange to me to visit with relatives that you don't see very often. You are supposed to have this familiarity, but yet it's not there since you don't see them too often.

Fortunately, kids don't recognize social nuances such as these, and instead, had fun seeing their Nana. Since she is in the process of packing and someone else is moving in, we went out to lunch and then headed to this really amazing park for some play time after. This park had EVERYTHING! A little play town, a play structure, a rope web to climb on, sand, swings, water stuff, EVEN HORSES TO RIDE AND A TRAIN! I wish we had a reason to go back...


After lots of fun at the park, we loaded back into the car and dropped Lance's mom back off at her house. We said our goodbyes and then were off for our two and a half hour drive back. This one was with seriously deliriously tired children, so we got to see fun things such as this video.




Good times.

Mr. Pickles

There is a restaurant in town, right on the corner of a busy intersection that has seen at least five turnovers since we've lived here. For some reason, whatever was there has not done very well. It's past lives include things like sushi and sandwiches and just when an owner would get settled in, pretty soon you'd see a "For Sale" sign in the window. It's baffled Lance and I since we moved here.

Except the current tenant is an extraordinary entrepreneur. Sure, they've moved in with the usual lunch fare, but this time they have their secret weapon.

A giant, dancing pickle.

I know....what? A giant dancing pickle? Yes, that is correct. It's become the thing my children look forward to when we drive by. If he's out there dancing, they are crazy waving at him and pointing him out. I'm pretty sure they must know me by my car and my kids. Because they look like fools every time we drive by. And with this particular location, it's quite often.

I kid you not, we will be down the street, driving towards the restaurant and they are both straining to catch sight of the chef's hat he wears. Oh, we've had many different conversations centered on Mr. Pickles. Where is he in the mornings when he's not out? He's sleeping. Why does he wear a hat? He's a chef at the restaurant. How does he see out? Do you think he eats pickles?

EVEN IF HE'S NOT THERE, we go through the same stuff. Bennett will inform me (EVERY TIME) that he's not there because he's sleeping so that he can wave to him.

Even though I never visited any of the other establishments that called this particular location home, we WILL be going to Mr. Pickles. Because, really? How can I not. It's practically Disneyland.

Nice work, Mr. Pickles. Sheer genius!

Remembering my former self

I agreed to meet two of my former coworkers for lunch this afternoon. Not too long ago, it wasn't all that uncommon for us to get together for all you can eat Indian or that awesome little Thai place in Mountain View. But nowadays, going out for a real meal for lunch is practically unheard of and I rarely go with anyone outside of my mommy/children/parenting circle. Even if I have known them before children, they now have children to, so our frame of reference has changed as well. But these people that I had lunch with today, there is no other context for them other than my previous job. One of them is the proud father of two older kids and the other is a self proclaimed non-baby-lover step mother of adult children. So, it's not as if they don't have kids at all. But, they aren't in the throws of toddlerhood or Kindergarten. They aren't eating and sleeping and breathing the same things I am these days.

Before, in my former life, we'd talk about things like budgets, off site meetings, schedules and the random office gossip. We'd laugh over the idiotic thing that happened in that meeting earlier or we'd vent to each other about the inefficiencies of being purchased by a large machine-type corporation. Now, we all work in different spots. Each of them having gone on to a different job after I left work to stay at home. I'm further out of the office political loop than I ever have been and we were forced to connect in different ways. At first, I was a little hesitant about the lunch, not knowing what we would talk about, but it was really good to catch up with former coworkers and to also see new sides of them. We reinvented ourselves and in turn, reinvented our relationships with each other.

During the meeting, one of my former coworkers (who now works for Apple), kept checking his iPhone. It was like he had one foot out the door the whole time. And I sooo remember being like that. There was always something going on. An email that had to be answered. A time-sensitive decision to be made or a signature to get. A meeting to not be late for. And now? My time is mostly my own. It's only as crazy as I make it, so there's no one else to blame. But you know what, I'm completely present. At lunch today, I was completely present both mentally and emotionally. It made me realize how much happier my kids must be now that they don't have to share me with a meeting, or a budget, or a schedule, or a decision. They have me. All of me. All the time. And I don't have to worry about how poorly I'm doing in one area or the other due to having to split my time. If I'm doing poorly, it's just in the one area. :) That's a lot less guilt to carry.

Me and my kids, we're both very lucky.

Worst mom award winner

You know how a friend might accidentally drop their child, say from the changing table or something like that? You know how they are all distressed and you tell them repeatedly not to worry about it, that their baby is fine and that it's harder on the parent than it is on the child?

Well, up until today, I could never truly empathize with the mother in those situations because I have never dropped my child. Until today. It happened so quickly, yet in such slow motion. I could see it happening, but had no way of stopping it. I keep replaying it over and over in my head, beating myself up for it, even knowing that it won't do any good. No, I dropped my son and I can't take it back.

He's not even really that badly hurt. He's got a bruise on his forehead, a scrape on his cheek, his chin and both knees. But the crying. Oh my. I'll hear that cry in my head and in my heart for a long time.

It happened innocently enough. At 30+ pounds, my son is a load to carry. Our morning walks to drop Morgan off to school are an effort in me balancing him, some keys, my coffee cup, or whatever else we have going on that day. I can't let him walk because he is just too slow and even if that didn't drive me crazy, he would get trampled on by the other students who are walking at a much faster pace. This includes his sister. So, I have to carry him. Well, the other day I had the bright idea of shoulders. So much easier, right? And it was! So, today I did the same for the trip back to the car. We were kind of in a hurry because I was meeting my friend Kristin at the park for a walk. I popped him up on my shoulders and chatted with a friend until we reached our car. When we got there, I opened the card door, grabbed him with both hands. I lifted him up off my shoulders, over my head and down to the ground where I went to set his feet on the ground. Only his feet didn't hit the ground. Instead, he toppled over forwards, into the door jam of my car and also onto the sidewalk. Like I said before, this all happened so quickly, but in such slow motion. Then the crying started.

Now, my boy is tough. He's been known to walk up to you with a huge scrape on his arm and not even care that it's there. I never worry with him that he's over exaggerating something, because he just doesn't do that. But his cry. Well, it makes me want to cry just thinking about it. He started wailing. Normally I can ask him if he's okay and he'll stop his crying and say yes and that's that. But not this time. Nope, he just kept wailing.

I held him as tight as I could. As if I could apologize for not being more careful simply by squeezing him tighter. I rocked him side to side, shushing him like a newborn, telling him over and over again, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!" Finally, his cries subsided and I got a good look at him. Then I started crying. A huge bruise on his forehead, scrapes everywhere. My fault. I shouldn't have. I didn't mean to. I'm sorry.

He looked at me and said, "Momma, you crying?" I told him I was, because I was sorry that he got hurt. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was. I just kept asking over and over again.

"Bennett, I'm so sorry you got hurt. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, Momma. Me o-tay"

Now I know how it feels. And why it's so hard to let it go.

Bennett's first tire swing

Remember these? These were always my favorite swings at the playground. I remember in the third grade, playing on this swing with my two best friends. It was awesome because there were three of us and three spots to sit. We'd take turns spinning it around and then we'd jump on with the other two. We'd spin so fast (you know, you go faster if you lean in) that we'd almost hurl. Just when it was too fast, we'd slow down and laugh until we cried. Whenever I spot a tire swing, I think of those two friends. Wonder if it will be the same for Bennett?

Isn't childhood grand?

And then he did the craziest thing

My son, notorious for shaking his head violently when you take him into the bathroom to sit on the potty, just did the craziest thing. You see, I was in the kitchen making quesadillas for lunch (it is Cinco de Mayo, after all) when he walks in and says "Momma, me go potty on the potty." I didn't believe for one minute that he would actually go on the potty, since he'd done all but scrape the skin off my arms with his fingernails on previous occasions. Sure that this was some sort of plot to get under my skin and keep me from finishing my task, I gave him a test.

"Bennett, do you need to go pee pee or poo poo?"
"Poo Poo"

What do I do? Here I am, skillet all hot and cheese all melty. Quickly, I wrangle Morgan into the equation and give her a crash course in flipping a tortilla over and checking for burning and then take Bennett into the bathroom. I remove his clothes and his diaper, scramble to locate the potty seat we've tucked far away. Okay, here goes nothing. This is the point where he normally looks at me with his baby blues and screams "NO!" at me. Except today? He did the craziest thing. He sat on the potty. Yeah.

So, then I see his little boy parts poking up and I explain to him that he needs to point it down. I show him how. His face lights up when he's been given permission to touch it. He grabs it. I try to explain to him that if he pees, he can't have his hand over it. To just take one finger and point it down. He does this and I give the appropriate level of praise and then I wait. Hmmm. Quesadillas are surely going to be burned in the kitchen. Thinking quickly, I grab a book and ask him to look through it while I go check on things in the kitchen. Quickly thinking of what I can bribe him with, I remember we have some cookies left over from the batch that Lance baked and I tell him that if he does go potty in the potty, he can have a cookie when he's done!

Back in the kitchen, Morgan is too afraid to flip the quesadilla, so I ask her to trade with me and to go oversee the potty situation. I give her two simple instructions. First, do NOT let him get up without me being in there. And second, but most important, is to be VERY supportive. Tell him how proud you are of him sitting there and if he does actually go, to let me know.

Minutes later, the unthinkable happens. That's right. HE POOPED ON THE POTTY. Word came from Morgan, "Mom!! He went!!" Flipping the quesadilla over for the last time, I throw the spatula down on the counter and race to the bathroom where he's sitting there with a big smile on his face and a big turd in the potty. Wow. Crazy. Yes, he did something crazy and now it was my turn. I immediately bust out the best potty dance you've ever seen. Morgan joins in.

"Poo poo on the potty! Poo poo on the potty! Bennett went....Poo poo on the potty! YAY!"

Big smiles, I wipe him up and get him off the potty. THANK GOD I have held onto the pull ups from back in the day. I have yet another thing to reward him with. "Bennett, I'm so proud of you! Because not only did you go potty in the potty, but you also told me that you had to go before you went! Great job! Because of that, you get to wear big boy diapers!!" I bust out the old pull ups and choose Woody and Buzz Lightyear over the Disney Princesses, we all get cleaned up and go into the kitchen to eat lunch.

Bennett got to eat his cookie BEFORE lunch. Ooooooohhhhh! Yep, there was crazy going on at our house today!

Another day in the kitchen

This week is Teacher Appreciation week and my friend Melissa (who is a teacher) gave me some advice on what was her favorite thing parents did for her class when she was teaching. She told me about a time that they all made dinner for her for a week and delivered it to her home. She said it was so nice to not have to worry about cooking and it was fun to see them outside of school. I thought this was a great idea! I'm always cooking a meal for someone who needs it because they just had a baby or are sick (or have family members who are sick), but never for someone just a sign of appreciation. I sent an email out to the parents in Morgan's classroom and we've arranged for Morgan's teacher to receive breakfast at school every morning and to have dinner delivered each night.

I signed up for the first night, and it was a tricky one because Morgan's teacher's daughters both had softball games in the evening. So, I planned to do pulled pork, oven fries and tomato-cucumber salad to bring to them at the ball park. Lance had even baked cranberry walnut chocolate chip cookies for them! I thought it would be fun to see the girls play, to give Trish an opportunity to show off how much she's adored, and it would be nice for them to eat dinner before they were starved after the games were over. I loaded up the food, some plates, napkins, utensils and condiments into my bags and Morgan and I took off to deliver the meal. Trish loved it and I couldn't have been happier to see the big grin on her face as she sat there eating pulled pork while we all watched her girls play softball!

Besides getting that stuff prepped today, I also took advantage of some of the chicken meat I had from the roasted chicken I made for dinner last night to come up with a new lunch time creation. Mango Chicken Salad Lettuce Wraps. Basically, it was the roasted chicken, some celery, mango, salt, poppy seeds, and mayonnaise. I mixed up the salad and served them on romaine lettuce leaves. They were good, but needed a little sweetness added (finally added some Splenda) and maybe a little kick next time.

Honoring mothers!

This morning was the annual mothers day brunch for the moms club. Unlike the past few years, I did absolutely nothing to contribute to this brunch. I felt a little guilty, having not participated in the preparation, but it was nice to just go and enjoy it! Sure, I had to get up and say some things and help hand out the raffle prizes, but that was just a small part of the overall event and the event went off without a hitch!

We tried a new venue this year since our previous spot closed down. We went with a place this is still developing, trying to get in on something good from the beginning and it totally paid off. We agreed to hold our brunch at The Callippee Preserve Golf Club vista dining area, overlooking the golf course. We had the entire covered patio (with heaters) to ourselves and even though it was raining, everyone kept commenting on how nice it was to have it outside with the fresh air. The decorations were fabulous, as a couple of the board members had taken time to plant fresh flowers as place settings and there were large potted hydrangeas in the center of the tables. There were little goody bags of chocolates, an envelope with donations for a free sitting fee at a local photographer, free bowling, etc., and wrapped up Bay Area Mama books for everyone! It was definitely a sight! The food was outstanding, the champagne flowed, as did the laughter and chatter.


Many of the board members solicited donations from local businesses for raffle prizes. I had done this on previous occasions, and pretty much refused to do it this year. :) That didn't stop the dedicated board members, however! We had everything from gift certificates for Dinners Galore, a tea room, bowling, quilting, scrapbooking and stamping, a chocolate store, and a spa to candles and kitchen gadgets as well as raffling off the centerpieces. Everyone walked away with something; it was fabulous!

It was wonderful to sit and talk to these women for as long as we liked. We were there from 11am until 2pm and we didn't have to worry about children running off or cutting up food. We just had to sit, eat, drink and relax. What a way to honor mothers!