Baby fever

I could have also named this entry "the one my husband doesn't want to hear", but you know what? It's MY blog, right? Maybe as a courtesy, I could put something in the title like "honey, just pass this one over". But, maybe that's pretty much the same as the title I picked, no?

Today I spent time planning a baby shower for Melissa. I am so excited about throwing her this shower, as I have actually gotten very few opportunities to throw baby showers and hardly ever for such a great friend. I let my creative juices flow and settled on a "theme" that really suits Melissa to a T. I cannot wait! While perusing websites for shower invitations, it's hard to not also get sucked into looking at those baby announcements. Cute toes. Crazy hair, or no hair. Time, date, weight, length. Happiness. Baby sighs. Baby breathe. Ohhhhhh - baby smells! See, it's hard not to do that to yourself.

Are all women this way? As soon as your baby is not so much a baby any more, you start reminiscing about the good ole days of no sleep, little lumps of baby goodness and tiny fingers and toes. I wonder, when you're on your fourth or fifth, or FOURTEENTH kid, does it go away? I've been praying for this very thing. Either to have it go away and to know that my family is complete as it is, or to have some clear indication that another child is just what we need. Now, my husband will tell you straight out that we have a girl and a boy and we are done. But me? Not so sure. Granted, we'd need to be on the same page, so maybe since he's done, by default I am? Except what if it doesn't feel right?

Then, today I get an email from my friend Tara, who's older daughter is in Bennett's playgroup. She just had her second child, another little girl. And she's got that newborn goodness dripping from the pictures. I mean, seriously. Do I have a problem? Is there a support group for women like me? Or am I completely normal? How do you know you are done? I asked my mom this question and her answer was so easy. She always wanted two. My dad always wanted two. They had a boy and a girl. They were done. But see, me? I've always dreamed of a bigger family. Maybe it's because I always wanted to have more, and/or closer siblings. I just think the relationship that you have in a family is such an amazing thing and why wouldn't you want to have MORE of that?

I have friends tell me that I need to have another. I've been told things like "two are too neat" and "if anyone should have more it's you" and those statements echo through my head and my heart whenever I start thinking about this.

The thing is, I can see myself with at least one more kid. I can picture it. I know what I would do. I know the things we'd have to change and the logistics of it. I know how it would work. And even though when I was going through everything with Bennett's pregnancy and babyhood, I prepared myself for it to be the last (knowing how my husband felt), that doesn't mean that it "sits" right.

For now, I'm going to enjoy seeing, hearing and smelling the babies that are entering the world now. Tara just had hers, Melissa is due in May. Maybe by then I'll have gotten my answer. Maybe by then, I'll feel at peace with it, whatever it is.