Spiritual Bonding

Today was the first full day of the women's retreat. After road-trippin' it up with the top down on the convertible yesterday afternoon, Melissa and I got settled into our room. We had dinner followed by a session with the speaker about balancing your life and resting in God. The discussion was around slowing down, looking up, and trusting in God more. When the it was over, Melissa and I went back to our room and did the girl talk thing until nearly midnight. Or whenever the older ladies next door decided to go to sleep. We got up this morning before the crack of dawn when the older ladies next door started chatting and giggling. Neither of us slept well, but Melissa slept particularly badly. We got on with our day by showering and getting ready for breakfast. After breakfast, we had our the morning message by the speaker, followed by 45 minutes of quiet time before lunch to reflect on what we had heard and the things that we thought applied to us. We were instructed not to say a word and to find a quiet spot to write down our thoughts. The morning's message was about intimacy with God and it was a topic that is new to me since my religious background has been more at an arms length, and not very intimate or personal. Needless to say, the message spoke to me.

I wandered back towards our lodge and found a partly shaded spot in the playground area. How appropriate considering how much I am missing my kids! I sat there, said a few prayers and then it all poured out. This was my "letter to God"

Dear God,
I have never had a relationship with you that was deep enough to satisfy my needs. Growing up, a relationship with you meant little more than showing up. Showing up at Sunday School, showing up at church or Youth Group. Now it seems to be the same when I feel like I want it to be more. But all I know how to do is to show up. And even that is hard sometimes. There are many "excuses". This is not the way I know, or I am all alone, or I don't have the time. Maybe I am afraid of the unknown, which is completely silly. Maybe I'm afraid of the known.
Lord, I ask you to help me remove the obstacles and excuses. I ask that you give me confidence and courage. I ask that you give me the desire to overcome all my excuses.

Love,
Paige

After our quiet time, we all met back at the dining room for lunch, where we were then broken up into small groups with various table leaders. My table leader just so happened to be a woman I had met on a previous occasion, when she substituted for our leader at Bible Study. She and I hit it off right away since she was from Birmingham, AL. She recognized me and it didn't take long before we were talking about our sweet tea and the Auburn Tigers! We had some discussion questions to go over with our group and then we were released for the afternoon for some free time.

Melissa wanted to do some scrapbooking and I wanted to sleep, so we went our separate ways. I laid in my bed in our room for HOURS trying to sort everything out. Even though I was completely exhausted, I couldn't sleep. My mind was going a mile a minute. Before I knew it, Melissa was back and we talked and talked and talked and before long, it was dinner time.

Tonight was a very emotional night for both Melissa and I. After dinner, we went back to hear the next topic from the speaker - being set free to fulfill God's purpose. At the end of the message, they gave us these index cards where we could write down what we were going to do. The front said "I Will" (Luke 5:5) and on the back of mine, I wrote:

.....reach out
.....make an effort
.....be still and listen

Then the band was playing and women were going down in front to pray with one another. This is when I completely lost it. To see these generations of women, hugging each other, praying for each other and generally loving on each other. It was such a beautiful sight. The church I grew up in was not openly emotional. I had never witnessed anything like this in my life! Melissa and I kept exchanging glossy-eyed glances and smiles as we saw the older generation taking the younger girls into their arms and praying with them and for them. It was so beautiful. And it made me miss my mom. And it made me upset that I had missed out on that as a younger woman and it had this strange way of making me feel like an outcast or a fraud, seeing as how I've spent my entire life in the church but never had a moment as meaningful as that.

They excused us to leave if we wanted to and so we did. Melissa and I both expressed what we were feeling to each other, both coming from different perspectives, but both also very moved and touched by what we had witnessed. We stayed up far too late talking about such things and bonding. Good, old-fashioned bonding.