World's worst tennis mom. Ever.

Apparently, I am not meant to be a tennis mom. Soccer mom? Sure. Ballet mom? Absolutely. Tennis mom? Not so much. Or maybe it's not me, but maybe it's the witch who was teaching the lesson? I'll let you be the judge.

• When we got there, I was asked if I brought our waiver. I took the paper that was in my hand and gave it to the instructor, who looked at me as if I had lost my mind. "Oh, it's pink." Sorry, lady, that's what color paper I had in my printer.
• The parents asked where the instructor wanted us. She told us that she could use our help in the court. We go in and line up at the end of the court, away from the net and where she'd placed all the stuff. We were immediately asked to get out of her way, that the kids needed to practice there. Oops.
• While Morgan was practicing hitting the soft foamy balls against the back fence of the court, the instructor came over to help her with her form. She took one look at the BRAND NEW racket I had purchased, pointed at me and said, "Are you the mom? This racket is WAY too big for her". Which, was a little surprising considering that when I bought it I clearly looked for the racket that was for children under 50 inches (check) and up to eight years old (check). What an idiot I am. She had to go get one of her special rackets for my poor child who's mother is a complete moron.
• When it came time for the kids to go over to the net to practice, the instructor made a big speech about how she could really use some parents to help because she has FOUR KIDS (!!!) who HAVE NEVER HIT THE TENNIS BALL BEFORE and she was going to need to help them a little more than the others. I was a little shocked at this, since this is the TINY TOTS class (ages 4-6), and of course they would be expected to already know how to play tennis before coming to TENNIS LESSONS!! Sheesh, I should have known better!! Damn me for not getting Morgan into pre-tennis lessons.
• Then it was time for a parent to offer themselves up to help the class run more smoothly with all these poor children who didn't know how to play tennis. She asked if one of us would please throw the soft foamy balls to the kids from the other side of the net so she could help them with their form. I raised my hand to help and started throwing the balls. Except I couldn't throw them in the 3 inch square area that she wanted them in and only frustrated her even more with my ineptitude. I kept trying, and she kept correcting me, "NO!! You need to throw it OUT HERE. Throw it underhand. Softer. Faster. BETTER!" Not wanting to make Morgan suffer any further embarrassment due to my lack of foamy-tennis-ball-throwing skills, and after I'd, quite honestly, grown tired of being chastised, I stood up, and declared that maybe someone else needed to give it a try. One parent took pity on me and offered up that maybe there was a learning curve?? Yeah. Maybe.
• But the final thing that proves that I am not fit to be a tennis mom is that my child apparently doesn't speak tennis. When it was time for Morgan to try some stuff on her own, the instructor was asking her to move her tennis racket to the back and down. Morgan moved it behind her, but didn't get it down low enough. The instructor actually had to walk all the way over to the other side of the net to show her. I know she was frustrated because I heard her say in an under-the-breath-but-loud-enough-for-you-to-hear way, "I guess I need to learn how to speak a different language".

What do you think? Am I a horrible tennis mom or what? Or maybe, just maybe, this woman needs some lessons on how to teach FOUR TO SIX YEAR OLDS about playing tennis. I'm just sayin'.....